Tag: penis

What Are Orgasms Like?

[Content warning: Generalized discussion of the sensations of an orgasm, with a mentions of fluids at several points.]

A lot of aces aren’t sure whether or not they’ve had an orgasm, and the common descriptions are “It Feels Good” and “You’ll Know It When It Happens™”, which aren’t very helpful to a lot of people.

An orgasm is a complex convergence of a lot of different sensations, made even more complicated by the fact that some of these sensations don’t happen every time and their intensity and duration varies wildly, and by the fact that every one of these sensations can happen without orgasm. No two orgasms will be exactly the same. One of the main reasons people resort to the “You’ll Know It When It Happens™” description is that it’s very hard to describe one. It’s also rather embarrassing for most people to go into details, plus, breaking it down into its components can be a bit of a turn-off because it sounds like something you’d call 911 for.

So how can you tell if you’ve had an orgasm? Take a look at the list of sensations below and see what you’ve experienced. An orgasm will feel like a package deal of a number of them happening around the same time, but keep in mind that you likely will not experience all of these. I’ve also grouped the sensations into Before/During/After, although the lines between stages can be a bit fuzzy, especially if you’re not already pretty sure what an orgasm is like.

Before:

  • Sensations Are “Stable”: Before an orgasm, many people reach a “plateau”, an area where things kinda remain the same for a while. Level of arousal stays steady, level of pleasure (if any) stays steady, heart rate, breathing, etc. There might be some ups and downs, but in the big picture, it doesn’t change a whole lot. In some cases, there might be a sense that if you keep doing what you’re doing, you can stay in this zone for as long as you want.
  • Building To Something: There can be a sense that something is “building”. A sort of pressure or fullness or tension or something may gradually increase. For many people, this is a sign that they are climbing beyond the plateau and are getting closer to orgasm, but this sensation isn’t usually considered part of the orgasm itself.
  • Up Against A Wall: Sometimes the building sensation gets stuck, in the sense that it feels like there’s a limit that you’ve hit. It seems like there’s something else just ahead, but there’s a block in the road preventing you from moving on.
  • Sporadic Twitching: Areas downstairs might start twitching and squeezing in a sporadic, haphazard way. Not really like a twitchy eyelid, where it’s a fast fluttering, but a slower, deeper sort of tensing. It will often be the muscles used when holding/stopping a flow of urine sort of acting on their own.
  • Sporadic Moaning: During the leadup to an orgasm, people may find themselves moaning or making other semi-involuntary noises. Sometimes these noises are connection to a sense of pleasure, sometimes not.
  • Muscle Tension Outside Of The Genitals: Your legs may stiffen, your back may straighten or arch, and you may experience facial contortions. These can be semi-involuntary, where they’re sort of happening on their own, but you could probably stop them, but at the same time, it may feel like they should be happening, and they may intensify the other sensations, so you let it happen.
  • “I Gotta Pee”: Many people report a sensation like having to urinate during the lead up to an orgasm. It’s a lot of the same parts and same muscles getting involved, so that’s understandable. In most cases, an orgasm will not cause a release of urine, although that is known to happen from time to time.

During:

  • A Sudden Spike/Surge of Pleasure: This is one of the primary signs of an orgasm. In fact, for many people, this is the defining feature of an orgasm. This surge of pleasure is often relatively sudden, relatively short lived, and tends to be considerably stronger than the pleasure experienced leading up to it. However, this is not always the case! The surge of pleasure is not a universal feature of an orgasm. Some people don’t feel this at all, or don’t feel it nearly as strongly as other people do. It is inaccurate, confusing, and misleading to define orgasm simply in terms of pleasure.
  • A Series Of Rhythmic Muscle Spasms/Twitching/Convulsions/Pulsing In Genitals: An orgasm is often accompanied by a series of rhythmic contractions in the genitals. These are a sort of hold-release-hold-release pumping pattern, with about a second or so between events. They’re usually stronger and quicker near the beginning and slower and weaker toward the end. If there is a spike in pleasure, it may come in waves that correspond to these contractions, though not always. The number of contractions can vary wildly from person to person, orgasm to orgasm, but in general it’s in the neighborhood of 5-20-ish, although it can easily be higher or lower.
  • Ejaculation: For someone with a penis, the muscle contractions of an orgasm usually coincide with ejaculation, where each contraction leads to another release of semen. For those people, this is often considered a strong indicator that an orgasm occurred. Contrary to popular belief, however, it is possible for an orgasm to happen without ejaculation and for ejaculation to happen without orgasm. Some people with vulvas may also experience ejaculation, although this is relatively uncommon, and the fluid will not be semen.
  • Increase in Genital Wetness: For some people with vulvas, they may experience an increase in genital lubrication or wetness around the time of an orgasm.
  • Point of No Return: Immediately before orgasm, there can be a sensation where it’s clear that the orgasm is about to happen no matter what. Even if all stimulation stops, the orgasm will proceed in some form anyway. This is probably only recognizable after you’ve experienced a number of orgasms (even if you don’t know that’s what they are). It’s also possible to recognize when you’re about to cross this line before it happens.
  • A Feeling Of Release: Everything that was being built up, all that tension/pressure/warmth/whatever, it all just sort of lets go. You get past the wall or over the hill or the dam breaks and it’s able to run free for a bit.
  • A Distinct Change In Feeling: This is a nebulous point, but in a lot of cases, there’s a sort of feeling that an event is taking place. There’s a sense that there’s a point where something is about to happen, then it happens, then it’s over. Like… Things are different now than they were ten seconds ago.
  • Warmth/Tingly Sensation: A lot of people describe a kind of warmth or fuzziness or tingling sensation that tends to be centered in the genitals, but that may spread to other parts of the body.
  • A Sense Of Auto-Pilot: When orgasm happens, the confluence of events can lead to a temporary feeling like your body has turned on auto-pilot and you’re simply being taken for a ride by the process.
  • Sharp Internal Focus/Less External Awareness: During orgasm, the outside world can fade away, as your focus turned to the events and sensations that are taking place.
  • Non-Genital Muscle Contractions: Many people experience sudden muscle tension in places all over the body when they have an orgasm. These may include facial contortions, toe curling, back arching, and leg stiffening.
  • Full Body Shaking/Shuddering: Sometimes the non-genital muscle convulsions will cause full body shaking or shuddering.
  • Moaning/Vocalizations: Moaning or other noises can also be a feature of an orgasm, although the louder, more theatrical expressions tend to be an exaggerated performance. You’re probably more likely to make a soft “oh” or “mmmhm” than a “YESYESYESYES OHMYGODIMCOMING YESYESOHHHHHHHHYES” type noise.
  • Change In Heart Rate: Orgasms will often increase your heart rate.
  • Change In Breathing: Orgasms will often change your breathing. Quicker, shallower breaths, sometimes even holding your breath may happen.
  • “It Felt Like A Sneeze Downstairs”: I hate this description of an orgasm, but I also think it’s useful as an illustration. An orgasm feels very different from a sneeze. Very different. But a sneeze can provide a common reference point for how the situation proceeds. Like an orgasm, a sneeze has a before, during, and after. Before a sneeze, you may be able to tell that it’s coming through a building sensation. There’s often a point where you know it’s going to happen no matter what, but you can no longer stop it. Afterward, there’s a sense of relief.
  • Over-Sensitivity In Genitals: During orgasm, your genitals may become over-sensitive to the point where attempting to continue even a fraction of the stimulation that brought you there can be extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant. It’s almost like your body is screaming out for you to stop because it’s had enough.
  • Nausea: Sometimes the convergence of sensations can all crash together and leave you feeling a bit queasy.
  • Can’t Hold On To It: Prior to an orgasm, it’s generally possible to maintain consistency, where you remain at the plateau level. Some people deliberately take advantage of this to remain in the pre-orgasm zone for a long time to maximize their pleasure. But once an orgasm hits, it has a course that it runs on its own, and while you might be able to prolong it slightly, you probably can’t keep it going indefinitely.
  • Lasts A Few Seconds To A Minute: The length of time of an orgasm can be very different. Sometimes it’s a few seconds, sometimes it’s closer to a minute. 5-30 seconds seems to be the typical range. However, for some people, perception of time can be a bit skewed, so it might seem like it lasts longer or took less time than it actually did.

After:

  • “Ewww, What Did I Just Do?”: A lot of people report a sudden wave of disgust that comes over them after an orgasm.
  • Loss Of Interest In Sexual Things: For many people, an orgasm shuts off their interest in sexual things for a while. Something that was interesting or exciting just a few moments ago is now just blah. There are many people who seek out orgasms specifically for this response, in order to quiet a nagging libido.
  • “I Gotta Pee”: After all the jostling and contractions and everything else going on, some people say that orgasms make them have to pee. (It may even be useful: Scientists have reported that peeing afterwards can help prevent UTIs in some cases.)
  • Deep Relaxation: An orgasm can often be followed by a period of deep relaxation. A lot of people will masturbate before bed to get this benefit to help them fall asleep.
  • Feeling Stimulated/Wired/Awake: Not everyone gets relaxed after an orgasm. Sometimes its the opposite, where a person will get wired like they got a shot of caffeine.
  • A Sense Of Feeling “Done”: Outside of everything else, an orgasm may lead to a feeling that you’re “done”, that whatever you had been getting from the stimulation is over now, so it’s time do something else. This is different than simply getting bored of what’s going on or a loss of arousal that makes it difficult to continue. This is more like your body suddenly telling you “break time!” after everything happened.
  • Nausea, Headaches, Generally Feeling “Bleh”: For some people, the after-effects of an orgasm can be highly unpleasant. This experience can be bad enough that it will lead some people to avoid orgasms entirely.
  • Loss Of Sensitivity In Genitals: After the orgasm subsides, the over-sensitivity will usually fade, followed by a period where your genitals might not be sensitive at all. In this phase, touching the genitals may not feel much different than touching your arm. It’s like your downstairs bits have decided to take a nap for a bit. This can last for a few minutes to several hours, even days.
  • Loss Of Arousal: After an orgasm, physical arousal may fade somewhat rapidly. This is particularly noticeable in people with penises, where the penis will often revert to a fully flaccid state within a few minutes. In this stage, it may be difficult or even impossible to regain arousal. Even if you are able to, the loss of sensitivity may make it difficult to proceed. Much like the loss of sensitivity, this can last for minute, hours, or days.
  • Time To Cuddle: For people with a partner, the orgasm and many of the after effects can combine and contribute to a strong desire to cuddle.
  • You’ll Know It When It Happens™: And as much as I hate to use this description, one of the ways that many people know they’ve had an orgasm is that they know they’ve had an orgasm. The convergence of events just makes them say “Well, that happened”.

Asexual Sex Toy Review: Fleshlight QuickShot

Overview:

Toy: Fleshlight Quickshot

Designed For: Penis

Type: Open-ended sleeve with hard case

Price: ~$35

Anatomical Features: None

tl;dr:  Pretty good toy.  The cheapest way to try the Fleshlight line, but not necessarily the best.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]

Details:

The Fleshlight Quickshot is a stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It is about four inches long and three inches in diameter.  The sleeve itself is a super soft and stretchy material that does not have a scent, but that is slightly tacky and will attract hair and dust if not stored properly.  The Quickshot has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  There are two types to choose from:  Black case with grey sleeve insert, or clear case with clear insert.  Each one has a slightly different interior texture.  The toy is reusable and the material is high quality and with proper cleaning and normal use, it should last a long time.

The sleeve is open on both ends (both ends are identical) and is housed in a hard plastic case.  The interior of the sleeve is lined with small bumps and flaps.  At rest, the sleeve has a 0.75 inch diameter, but it will easily stretch to beyond two inches when used.  The stretching is limited by the diameter of the hard plastic case, but the sleeve can be removed and used without the case.  The toy is intended to be used with the case, as the sleeve works with the case to provide a consistent squeezing sensation that the sleeve alone would not have.  There are caps that attach to both ends of the toy, which hide and protect the sleeve inside.  It is possible to use the toy with one of the caps still on, but more on that later.  If you’re familiar with the Fleshlight, imagine if they cut out a section of the handle of that toy and you’ll have a good idea of what the Quickshot is like.

The intended use of a Fleshlight Quickshot is with a penis.  Lube is a requirement. (Water based!  Other types of lubes may damage the toy.)  Lube is placed around the opening and inside the sleeve, or on the penis, depending on personal preference.  The erect penis is inserted into the sleeve and the toy is typically used in a stroking motion, sliding it up and down along the shaft.  It can also be twisted and rotated as it is used.  Many penises will be longer than the sleeve, and the head will come out the other side when it is used.  This means that the entire penis will not be stimulated at the same time, but also allows the user to focus on one area (for instance, if stimulating the head is unpleasant, the sleeve can be used on the shaft alone, once it’s on) or vary their stimulation.  It also allows the use of a different toy or different stimulation on the area that’s not covered.

Unfortunately, the short(-ish) length and open end makes it difficult to avoid contact with fluids.  The case largely (though not entirely) will prevent lube from getting on your hands, but it can be difficult to avoid contact with other fluids, as the open end will not contain ejaculation and the head of the penis may not even be inside the toy when it happens.  I mentioned earlier that the toy could be used with the end cap still on.  That would help in this situation, however, as I mention in the personal take below, that may make the toy harder to use.

The toy is very easy to clean.  The sleeve can be popped out of the case and run under any faucet.  Water can be run directly through the sleeve.  The sleeve insert can also be turned inside out to be cleaned and dried.  Make sure you let it air dry for a while to be sure it is completely dry before enclosing it back in the case.

The case says “Fleshlight Quickshot”, and the G is the Mars Symbol (♂).  While it doesn’t scream “I’m a sex toy” from a distance (at least with the caps on), it is not very discreet, so you would probably not be able to hide it in plain sight.  (The clear case one would be even more noticeable.)

From what I’ve seen, the packaging for this toy is matter-of-fact and not pornographic or crude.  If you buy from Fleshlight directly, the toy will probably not come in any additional packaging.  It should be noted that the Fleshlight website does contain softcore nudity and suggestive images, as well as explicit images of anatomically designed toys.  Many other stores sell the Quickshot, and some of them may be more friendly, if you’d rather not see that kind of thing.

It seems like it might be difficult to use this toy hands free.  Its open end would mean that it would be messy, and its small size might make it difficult to keep in place.

As far as other uses, it does not seem like this would be a good toy for small penises or clitorises, however, I have not heard anyone indicate that they’ve tried it.  I can potentially see it being used as a sort of bumper on a penetrative toy, to prevent it from going in too deep and to provide a soft squishy bit of padding.  If anyone has further information, please let me know.

Personal Take:

Overall, I like this toy.  It’s not as good as a full sized Fleshlight, but it does work fairly well, and it’s compact enough to take on vacation. 

The material is slightly different than the regular Fleshlight inserts.  It’s a bit more “rubbery” feeling.  I think they’re trying to make their sleeves less porous, which is a good thing.  I like the original material better, but this is still really good.  It’s soft and stretchy and strong, which are three key points for me when it comes to toys.

I usually use it in a full length stroking motion, very similar to how I’d use my hand.  It seems to take longer to reach orgasm and the journey there isn’t as good as a regular Fleshlight.  The short length means it’s not stimulating my whole penis at the same time, and in particular, the head and the frenulum area get left out.  However, the orgasms themselves seem slightly stronger, possibly because I’m able to change the angle and direct pressure partway down my penis, which is not something the full-length Fleshlight allows.  I’ve also noticed that it seems to squeeze around the coronal ridge on the upstroke (a good thing), which is something I typically only get from my hand because other toys don’t do it.  Although it can be twisted or rotated, I rarely do that.

I have tried placing it all the way down at the base of the shaft and leaving it there while I stimulate the head in a different way.  I didn’t really like it.  The two competing sensations felt awkward and disjointed.  I tried using both the clear and the black one at the same time, and it felt the same way.

I’ve noticed that it has a sort of cock ring effect, meaning that when it’s at the base of the shaft, it will make the erection firmer.  It’s far more comfortable than a typical ring.

I think this effect makes the orgasms a bit more, um, forgive the term, squirty, than with other toys.  I think it constricts and places more pressure on the urethra than other toys do, and it’s a more consistent pressure than my hand.  That does tend to make it feel better, but also makes it considerably more messy.

The mess can be a problem.  I don’t mind my own personal fluids, but I don’t always want to have to deal with them.  With closed-ended toys, it’s all contained within the toy, so I just take it off, take it to the sink, and it’s all done.  But because this toy is open ended, I have to deal with cleaning that up.  It would be possible to finish inside the sleeve and try to have it contained there, but that doesn’t feel as good and it’s still no guarantee that nothing won’t get out.

In the other section, I mentioned using it with the cap still on one end.  I’ve found it mostly unusable like that.  The sleeve doesn’t have anywhere to stretch to with the cap on, so it won’t expand enough for me to pass through.  I end up sort of getting stopped.  It’s a rather jarring and unpleasant feeling.  It doesn’t feel like I’m hitting the plastic at the end, it just feels like the sleeve won’t let me go any further.    As a result, the insertion depth is too shallow.  It can stimulate the head, but it doesn’t feel like it does enough there.

I’ve tried using the clear one, but I don’t particularly get anything special out of it.  There isn’t that much to see.  It might be more exciting for other people or for anyone watching (This is partially marketed as a couples’ toy, too), but it doesn’t do anything for me.

One of the major downsides of the Quickshot is that because the head of the penis will stick out of the toy, the lube is susceptible to drying out and can cause the toy to get sticky.  A little bit of this is an interesting sensation, as the skin is gently pulled in different ways, but a lot of this is just painful.  With a normal Fleshlight, I rarely have to reapply lube, but with this one, I have to do it frequently.

I realize I’m constantly comparing it to a full Fleshlight, and that’s doing this toy a disservice.  This toy is far better than most of the stuff that’s out on the market.  I’d put it roughly at the same level as a Tenga 3D sleeve, which I really like and hardly ever compare to a Fleshlight.  It’s also a huge improvement over just using my hand.

I’ve found it’s a good shower toy.  The case means it can be left there and not get wet and it won’t slide or roll around when not in use.  The messiness mentioned above isn’t a factor when it all just washes away.  It’s lighter than a regular Fleshlight, so it’s more comfortable to hold and use while standing.  And when water based lube starts to get sticky, it can be reactivated with a few drops of water, and in the shower, water’s readily available.

Bottom Line:

Pros: Stretchy, soft, strong material, great for stroking, easy to clean, non-anatomical design, has storage case.

Cons: Not discreet, not very small, can get messy, lube tends to dry out.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]

Pictures/Video:

This image is a photo of the QuickShot in its case, with a 12oz soda can for comparison. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of multiple QuickShots next to a ruler for a size reference. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the entry of a QuickShot. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a close-up of the interior of a QuickShot, showing its texture. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the QuickShot sleeve removed from its case. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the QuickShot being placed on the shaft of a purple penis-shaped dildo, with the head exposed. No actual nudity is shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Videos beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows the interior sleeve of the QuickShot being stretched by hand. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows lubricant being applied to the outer rim of the QuickShot. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows the QuickShot being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

Asexual Sex Toy Review: Tenga Spinner

Overview:

Toy: Tenga Spinner

Designed For: Penis

Type: Close-ended sleeve

Price: ~$25-30

Anatomical Features: None

tl;dr:  Decent sleeve toy, but I’m concerned about long term reliability.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]

Details:

The Tenga Spinner is a closed-ended stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It’s about 5.5 inches long and 2 inches wide.  The sleeve itself is a super soft and stretchy material that does not have a scent, but that is slightly tacky and will attract hair and dust if not stored properly in the included storage case.  The Spinner has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  There are three types to choose from, but all of them have a similar interior, featuring discrete bumps  The size and shape of these bumps is the main difference between the three models.

The intended use of a Tenga Spinner is with a penis.  Lube is a requirement. (Water based!  Other types of lubes may damage the toy.)  Lube is placed around the opening and inside the sleeve, or on the penis, depending on personal preference.  The erect penis is inserted into the sleeve and the toy is typically used in a stroking motion, sliding it up and down along the shaft.

The sleeve is closed on one end.  This means that the toy will fully contain any fluids produced during its use.  This means you won’t make a mess when you use it, but it also means that the toy itself can be difficult to clean and get fully dry.  The case comes with a drying stand (which doesn’t work all that well, more on that later).

The distinguishing feature of this toy is the pair of plastic coils embedded in the sleeve material. They spiral around the circumference of the toy.  As you stroke, the coils expand and twist, pulling the sleeve along with them.  This gives the toy a slight spinning sensation in addition to the typical up and down stroking movement.  These coils also provide some pressure that the toy material itself would not.

The sleeve has a diameter of about an inch at rest, but can easily stretch to two inches or more when in use.  The 5.5 inch length will also stretch, so if your penis is longer than the toy, the last inch or two won’t feel left out.  The plastic coil will limit the stretchability, but I’m not sure how far it can be stretched before that becomes a problem, because I don’t want to damage my toy.

The material is translucent, but not clear.  It’s too foggy for a clear view of the penis, although the general shape can be made out.  I think it’s more likely that this toy is only see-through to show off the coils and their twisting action.  Clear toys tend to get foggy after a few uses anyway, so this isn’t a big deal.

It’s possible to mostly avoid contact with fluids while using this toy.  If you’re careful, your hand probably won’t get covered in lube, although some will start to gather around the open end of the toy.  Also, because it has a fully closed end, ejaculation will be caught by the toy.  It’s much less messy than using a Tenga Egg, but not as clean as using a Fleshlight.

With the toy in the case, it sort of looks like a quirky little sculpture or a small lava lamp or an energy drink container or something.  It doesn’t really give off a “sex toy” vibe.  The case does say “Tenga: New Adult Concept”, though, so anyone examining it closely would see that and be a quick Internet search away from discovering what it is.  As you can see in the photos below, the packaging for the toy is not explicit or crude.  It is very matter-of-fact about what it’s used for, and does not try to indicate that it simulates and kind of sex act or should be used with a partner or anything like that.

It does not seem like this would be a good toy for a small penis or a clitoris.  The internal diameter is around an inch, and the coils make it difficult to squeeze it any smaller than that.  It also seems like the toy should not be used vaginally, as the toy is made of a potentially porous material that should not be used internally.  And it definitely should not be used anally, as there is no flaring to prevent the toy from being stuck.

Personal Take:

It’s similar in size and shape to the Tenga 3D line (in fact, I think the case uses the same mold as one of the 3D sleeves), which is nice.  It’s big enough that my entire penis can fit inside and small enough that I can toss it in a drawer or take it on vacation.  It’s also soft and stretchy and doesn’t smell bad, which are some of the most important features in a toy like this.

It has better suction than most closed toys.  The air tends to get squeezed out as I enter, and there isn’t much fussing around to prevent ballooning.  The suction doesn’t prevent movement, like it can in some other toys.

The spiral plastic coils provide just the right amount of pressure.  I can feel it, and there’s definitely more pressure than there is in most similar sleeves, but it’s working for me, not trying to cut off circulation or push me out.  (In fact, if I let go, it stays put, unlike most toys, which will slowly squeeze themselves off the end.)  The coil pressure also squeezes the sleeve closed against the head, so the entire head gets some stimulation.  The coil is embedded deep enough in the material that I can’t feel the individual ribs, only the consistent pressure from all of them.  All-in-all, there’s a pleasant sensation of being enveloped by the toy.

It’s this pressure that’s most apparent for me, and not the spinning action.  I barely feel the spinning, actually.  The coil unspools and twists as the material of the sleeve expands, but it’s doing most of this just in front of the head of the penis.  But by time the head gets there, the coil has already done about 90% of the twisting motion, so there’s very little left for the head to experience, and even less for the shaft.  If you want spinning all the way down, you’ll have to provide that yourself.

One marketing video shows the toy being gripped from the closed end and the toy spinning the whole way down the shaft.  I’m sure that’s all well and nice for the rigid glass rods used in that commercial, but my penis doesn’t work that way and doesn’t really like having pressure applied in that way so it started to bend out of the way (never a good thing), and the toy just sort of squashed itself instead of sliding down.  Instead, I’ll grip it near the bottom and stroke with my hand on the shaft and let the toy take care of the head by itself.  Usually with sleeves like this, I’ll have to provide pressure to the head with my hand, but here the coil takes care of that.  I can also grip in the middle and get a little bit of twist on the lower shaft, but it’s really not that effective.

The coil is the biggest distinguishing feature and the biggest benefit to this toy, but it’s also my biggest worry.  It seems like the plastic of the coil might break or that it might tear away from the sleeve material itself over time.  The toy isn’t so expensive that it would be a total rip-off if that happened down the line (I’m at a pretty good Dollars Per Orgasm rate with this toy so far…), but I don’t like things that fall apart, and this feels like something at risk of falling apart.  I’m especially concerned about the possibility of the coil snapping and leaving a sharp edge, because sharp edges suddenly appearing on something that’s sliding on my penis is not my idea of a good time.

I like the case that it comes in.  It’s a huge step up from the Tenga 3D cases, which were large and didn’t lock together.  This case isn’t much larger than the toy (so it’s portable and storable), and the pieces of the case lock together, so you can store it horizontally in a drawer without it coming apart.

A little bit of lube goes a long way in this toy.  The closed end helps with that.  I haven’t needed to stop and top it off, like some other toys require.

The material has a bit of a “grip” to it.  A lot of toys either stick or slide as I stroke, depending on how much lube is present.  But the Spinner gently pulls and sort of rolls along the skin.  It might be that as the coil contracts, the material relaxes and sort of grabs at the skin of the penis.  Whatever it is, I don’t think I’ve felt this kind of sensation before, but it’s rather enjoyable.

This “grip” and the previously mentioned suction act as a sort of speed limit for how fast I can stroke with it.  If I try going too fast, there’s too much resistance and too much pulling and it becomes uncomfortable.  That’s fine by me, going too fast tends to be overwhelming and unpleasant for me, anyway.  The toy seems to encourage edging, with a slow build to a strong orgasm.

Unfortunately, the “grip” of the material also can be felt on the outside of the sleeve, as well.  It’s not sticky exactly, but there’s a definite tacky feel to it.  When I take my hand away, this tackiness makes it feel like there’s something on my hand, even when the hand is perfectly clean and dry.  It’s nothing like the icky-stickiness of the Fleshskins Grip thing, but it’s certainly disconcerting.

I’ve also noticed that the toy warms up quickly, but in addition to that, it seems to transmit some of that warmth back.  Most toys just stop being cold, but this seems to actively be slightly warm.  I don’t know if that’s imagination or some sort of friction heating from the coil or what.

The place where this toy falls flat is in the cleanup.  The Tenga 3D line has some of the easiest cleanup in the world of penis toys.  When you’re done, invert it, wash it off, towel off the excess water, then place it on the pole included in the storage case to dry.  The texture is meant to be stored on the outside, so the whole thing is exposed to air and will dry out.  Not so with the Spinner.  It’s simple enough to run it under the faucet and clean it out.  Unfortunately, the coil means that you can’t invert it, so you can’t towel it off and you can’t let it air dry.  The coil also prevents squeezing out any of the moisture.  The case does have a stand with vent holes that’s supposed to be used to allow the toy to dry, but without airflow, the inside will never get fully dry.  That’s bad news.  That might make the toy unusable long before the coil has a problem.  It’s not the worst I’ve encountered, but there are definitely toys that are easier to dry than this one.

Bottom Line:

Pros: Stretchy, soft, strong material, great for stroking, non-anatomical design, has storage case.

Cons: Difficult to dry, concerns about longevity.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]

Pictures/Videos:

This image is a photo of the toy, its storage case, and a 12 oz. soda can for size comparison. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo showing the interior texture of the toy. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Video beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows the toy being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

The “spinning” motion of the sleeve can be seen.

Asexual Sex Toy Review: Tenga Egg

Overview:

Toy: Tenga Egg

Designed For: Penis

May Be Usable With: Clitoris

Type: Close-ended Sleeve

Price: ~$8 for 1, ~$30 for 6

Anatomical Features: None

Other Notes:  Some trans men report that this toy works well for them.  Other people report that this toy can be placed on the head of a wand vibrator.

tl;dr:  Good introductory toy, cheap price, good quality, easy to clean and versatile.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]

Details:

The Tenga Egg is a stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It’s about the size of a plastic easter egg (in fact, it comes in one that doubles as a storage case).  It’s made out of a soft, thin, stretchy material that does not have a scent.  The egg has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  The outside is smooth, while the inside has a texture of bumps and ridges.  Eggs come in a variety of textures, and the label usually has a design that indicates what the texture is like.  The size makes it a practical travel toy.

The intended use of a Tenga Egg is with a penis.  A few drops of lube are placed inside the egg (a packet of lube is provided with the purchase), and the egg is placed on the head of the penis.  Air is squeezed out to create suction.  Then the user strokes the penis, stretching the egg along the shaft.  The material will stretch to fit almost any size penis.  The egg can also be used in a twisting motion just on the head.  The thin, caseless design allows pressure from the hand to be felt on the penis.

Some trans men and people with large clitorises have successfully used the Tenga Egg.  They say that the size, squishiness, and immediate texture work for them.  However, some who have tried it have said that the sleeve is too wide to be useful.  The sleeve can also be turned inside out and used on the head of a wand style vibrator.  This adds a texture to the vibrator.  It also can dampen the vibration strength somewhat.  (The sleeve probably would not stay on a dildo, unless it is more firmly attached in some way.)

The eggs are sold as “single-use”, but it is possible to clean and reuse them, just be sure to dry them well.  The material is not super-strong, however, and it will start to stretch and deform.  It may eventually tear open, but depending on the type of tear, the toy may remain usable in some form.

This is probably not a good toy for anyone wishing to avoid direct genital contact or direct contact with fluids.  Using this toy will often result in your hand coming in direct contact with the penis, which will result in lubricant getting on your hand.  It will, however, do a good job of containing an ejaculation, as it has a closed end.  It is also difficult, if not impossible, to use this toy in a hands-free manner.

Personal Take:

I want to like the Tenga Egg more than I do.  I feel weird recommending a product that I’m not a huge fan of.  There’s nothing really wrong with a Tenga Egg, it’s just that I have better options.  Still, I wish that they were around when I started buying toys, because they would have been a far better entry-level option than the absolute junk I dealt with.  I definitely do not regret the purchase.

Stroking with the egg doesn’t do enough for me.  I think this is because the head just gets a slight stretching motion and downward pressure, while the main stimulation takes place down the shaft.  I tend to use it with a sort of twisting stroke motion, where I rotate the egg back and forth while stroking.  That gives the head more stimulation (sometimes too much, in fact) and works better for me.

I do like its softness and stretchiness.  I’ve used many toys that are too hard or too tight, and it feels like they don’t want to be used.  Maybe they’ll take too much pressure to enter, or the texture will be too stiff and grate on the shaft, and in some cases, the toys are so tight that they’ll squeeze themselves right off the end of the penis if I let go.  But with a Tenga Egg, I put myself in and stay in.  There’s little entry resistance.  And the textures provide stimulation, not irritation.  They seem softer than a Fleshlight, but a large part of that may just be the thinness of the material.  And it stretches to fit me without feeling like it’s cutting off circulation or about the squeeze itself off the end and go flying across the room.

One of my biggest issues with the egg is its size.  It’s considerably smaller than  my hand, so I can’t really get a good grip on it.  If I try the standard wrap-around grip, I inevitably end up with half my hand on the toy and half on bare skin, which ruins the sensation for me.  (I prefer all toy or all direct skin contact, mixing the two just feels strange.)  Then, on the upstroke, I almost take the toy completely off.  After that, since there’s lubricant involved, the half of the hand that was in contact with skin is now slippery itself, and starts to transfer to lubricant to the outside of the egg, making it entirely impossible to grip.  The twist-stroke method avoids this, as instead of using a wrap-around grip, I grip the toy from above with a back-handed grip that makes the twisting easier.  With this grip, my palm comes down along the head rather than sliding along the shaft, and my fingers stay firmly planted on the toy.

I have never had a Tenga Egg break, but I have probably never used the same egg more than a half dozen times.  I have had them start to stretch and deform, but this hasn’t affected their use.  When stretched all the way, the material becomes thin enough to be transparent, so I can definitely see how rough handling or too much use can wear it out.

Bottom Line:

Pros:  Cheap, stretchy, soft, easy to clean, lots of variety, non-anatomical design, doesn’t smell like chemical waste, comes with storage.

Cons: Can be messy, doesn’t stroke well, material does not seem super durable.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]

Pictures/Video:

This image shows a size comparison between a Tenga Egg and a tennis ball. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg removed from its plastic Easter egg style container. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows a close-up of the entry hole of a Tenga Egg. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows an inside-out Tenga Egg so the internal texture is visible. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

Each Tenga Egg has an different texture, noted on the label. This one has a simple grid shaped texture.

This image shows a Tenga Egg next to a 5-inch purple penis-shaped dildo for scale. No actual nudity is shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg placed on the head of a purple penis-shaped dildo to illustrate its use. No actual nudity is shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg inverted and placed on the head of a wand style vibrator to illustrate its use. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Videos beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows lube being placed inside a Tenga Egg and the egg being squeezed and rubbed to distributed the lube around the inside. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being placed on the head of a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

The swirling at the start helps apply lube around the head so that it can be inserted into the toy easier.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

You can see how thinly stretched the material becomes, yet it does not break.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being used in a twisting motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

This is an alternate way to use this toy which provides different stimulation than stroking alone.

Inconsistency

One thing I don’t see get talked about much (if ever) when it comes to masturbation is how inconsistent the process is.  It feels like this is something that may be particularly important for asexual people to hear, given the challenges many ace people have in these areas.

So…

Masturbation is inconsistent.

Well, not just masturbation.  Any kind of genital stimulation, really.  But I’m going to focus on masturbation here.

What works today may not work tomorrow.

How aroused you get today may not be how aroused you get tomorrow.

How strong the sensations are today may not be how strong the sensations are tomorrow.

How quickly you orgasm today may not be how quickly you orgasm tomorrow.

And so on and so on.  Today is not like tomorrow.

It’s not like playing an instrument or baking cookies, where following the same steps each time will lead to the same results, and you’ll refine your technique to perfection with enough practice.

I’ve been practicing regularly for years and I still haven’t figured out how to hit the high notes every time…

That’s not to imply that it isn’t good most of the time.  I can reliably orgasm and it reliably feels pretty good.  But just “pretty good”.  Sometimes only “okay”.  I’ve had “amazing” on occasion, but I have no idea what goes into the recipe that makes it “amazing” vs “okay”, when I’ll do the same thing in the same way and end up with wildly different results.

And I do mean the same thing.  As you may know, masturbating with a penis generally involves enveloping the shaft of the penis and stroking up and down along its length repeatedly.  Well, that action is a fairly easy one to replicate with a reciprocal motor.  So, they’ve made sex toys that do this motion.  And those toys will repeat the same motion exactly, consistently every time.  Speed, pressure, stroke length, etc.  It’s just back and forth the same way until the battery dies.  This, of course, makes it ideal for controlled experimentation.  It removes all the variables of manual stimulation.  By providing controlled, consistent stimulation, you should get controlled, consistent results.

Nope.

One day, I’ll use that thing and within a few minutes, I’ll have a transcendently powerful orgasm that sweeps my whole body away in ecstasy where it takes thirty seconds before I remember how to breathe.  Next day, it’ll be twenty minutes in and I’ll be practically begging for something to happen so I can be done with it all, because I’m not getting anywhere but I can’t stop since I’ve spent all this time so I’d better get something out of it or it’s all been a waste but it’s starting to get numb so please finish soon.

Same steps, wildly different results.

I can’t even reliably tell how strong an orgasm will be beforehand.  I’ve had so many times where a highly pleasurable and lengthy buildup has led to a lackluster finish, and so many times where a weak buildup will quickly escalate into a very strong ending.

I think the only reason I’m able to reliably hit “pretty good” levels of enjoyment is that I’ve built up a bunch of little micro-techniques that I can play on shuffle.  That way, if one doesn’t work, I can try a few other things.  Eventually I’ll stumble upon the combination for today’s lock.

Most of these micro-techniques are little things that can temporarily boost the pleasure a little bit, and masturbating becomes a game where the goal is to boost the pleasure enough to hit the goal line, but the pleasure level is constantly declining and the micro-techniques only work for a short while before they go inactive, so it’s a race against the clock.  (And don’t even get me started about the bonus chances after you’ve reached the goal which could double your winnings or cause you to lose it all…)

So anyway, where I’m going with all this is that masturbation is a complicated, inconsistent business.  Especially if you’re just starting out.  And double especially if you’re asexual and some of the tips and techniques that other people may utilize will flat out not work for you. No one can give you a foolproof set of instructions that will be guaranteed to work for your body.   But you might eventually stumble on something that works and be able to build from there.

Toy Quick Tips

  • Asexual people can masturbate, if they want to.
  • Asexual people can use sex toys, if they want to.
  • Using an anatomical toy does not mean you’re secretly interested in that anatomy and does not invalidate asexuality.
  • There are toys of all types that are abstract/non-anatomical in design.
  • There are many toys for vulvas which do not require penetration.
  • There are a few toys for penises which do not require insertion.
  • There are many toys that can be used in a way where you do not have to touch your genitals directly.
  • There are many toys which can be used in a way where you do not have to come into contact with any fluids.
  • There are sex toy shops which focus on the toys and won’t fill your browser with sexual imagery.
  • If a toy looks cheap and sleazy, it probably is, so avoid it.
  • If any of the reviews mention a smell, avoid it.
  • Avoid jelly toys, as they disintegrate or melt and may be made with toxic chemicals.
  • Some stores make a point of not selling junk toys.
  • Most toy stores ship in plain boxes with an innocuous sounding company on the return address.
  • More expensive doesn’t necessarily mean better, but cheap almost always means worse.

And finally:

  • Use lube.

Differently. (AMAB, Cis, Man)

Posted on by Atomic Goat

[Content Warning:  This post discusses personal experiences with masturbation (with a penis) in detail.]  

Masturbation.  It all seems different for me.

I don’t know how much of it is asexuality getting involved, how much of it is personal preference, and how much of it just a inaccurate public presentation of it that skews my perception of how it really is for other people.  My guess is that it’s a combination of the three in varying degrees.

I do it more gently.  Masturbation always seems to be depicted as a fast, frantic activity.  In censored TV shows and movies, they’ll indicate that someone is masturbating by showing fast hand movements.  In porn, the people seem to always stroke a hundred miles an hour.  Even euphemisms for it imply a violent action:  Jerk off, whack off, beat your meat…  But to me, all of that seems like sticking your penis in a paint shaker.  Just…  No.  How can you do that?

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  Have to be aggressive and dominant in all things, so be aggressive and dominant with your penis to show it who’s boss?

I’ve tried to go fast and hard at times, and it just seems to send things into an overload state.  This overload doesn’t translate into heightened pleasure, it translates into a message that says stop right now.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s unpleasant.  Everything kinds of shuts down.  If I can find the speed just below what triggers this overload state, then it may lead to a stronger ejaculation, but at the expense of everything else.  (More on that later…)

I go slower.  I go more gently.  I’ll even let it go a little soft at times.  I don’t need to wrestle and strangle my way to orgasm.  Caresses and coaxing and being kind seem to work better overall.

–

I enjoy the journey.  Masturbation is always depicted as being focused towards the orgasm.  That’s all there is.  How much did you ejaculate and how far did it go and that’s all that matters.  I get that that’s visually interesting for porn, but everything else also seems to treat it as a race to the finish, with nothing else along the way.  Go hard, go fast, get off.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  You’re not allowed to have feelings, especially sexual feelings that you provide yourself.  Ejaculation is a tangible result, so focus on that and only that?

For me, getting to orgasm is a huge part of the fun.  It feels good and I take extra steps to make it feel better for longer.  Sure, the orgasm is usually the best part, but let’s take a trip to calculus class for a moment.  Remember area under the curve?

image

These are pleasure charts for different types of masturbation.  The graph is an instantaneous reading of the level of pleasure at that moment in time, so the area under the curve is the total amount of pleasure for the session.  Figure 1 is a race to the finish.  Figure 2 is a longer, slower path.  Figure 3 compares the relative areas between the two.  As you can see, while the maximum value of pleasure is lower in the second graph, the overall amount of pleasure experienced is far higher.

On a more physical level, I enjoy the scenery on the journey.  There’s a lot to see, if you slow down and take a look.  A press on the frenulum.  The indistinct sensation of soft bumps of the toy passing over the corona.  The skin being pulled, then sliding loose.  A general enveloping pressure on the shaft. The wave that comes from tensing the right muscles at the right time.  It’s all nice in different ways, and it’s all an important part of the process for me.  It’s worth sacrificing a bit of ejaculatory distance for it.

(And don’t get me wrong, super strong orgasms are definitely nice, too…)

–

I sometimes involve calculus in a discussion of masturbation.  Okay, that one is all me.  Not much else to say there.

–

It’s not a substitute, it’s not practice, it’s not incomplete.  I think I’ve talked about this one before.  The prevailing message on masturbation is that it’s to be used as a substitute, only when Real Sex™ is unavailable.  It’s never looked at as something that can exist on its own, and be done for its own sake, just because it feels good, independent of other concerns.  It’s seen as a pathetic, lesser, half-measure, only done because your testicles will fill up and explode if you don’t do something about it.  Or that it’s merely an exercise, like daily jogging, done to keep in shape and prepare for the marathon of Real Sex™.

Is that really how people see it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  That you’re not allowed to do it by itself, that it has to be in the service of conquest and domination, a demonstration of your sexual prowess, otherwise it doesn’t matter?

Masturbation is different than Real Sex™ with a partner, certainly.  But that doesn’t make it inferior or unworthy.  If the way you masturbate seems like it’s so much worse than Real Sex™ so as to make it essentially worthless, then you’re probably doing it wrong and should look at ways to improve your technique.

I used a jogging metaphor a little earlier, and I want to revisit that.  I implied that jogging is only done to prepare for a marathon.  And that’s a clearly ridiculous idea.  Many people jog simply to jog.  Even if they do run marathons, the jogging is its own separate thing.  Just because they both involve running, that doesn’t make jogging inferior.  Another example would be chocolate bars.  A lot of people like chocolate bars.  People like different types of chocolate bars.  Some people enjoy chocolate bars twice a day, every day.  But the existence of chocolate cake doesn’t invalidate chocolate bars.  Chocolate bars are not substitute cake, they’re not some inferior product that can only be vaguely tolerated when chocolate cake is unavailable and never enjoyed on their own.

I do it as its own thing.  I don’t feel like I’m missing out or that it’s a half-measure.  It is full.  It is varied.

–

There’s more than just the penis.  Masturbation is almost always shown as exclusively involving the penis.  It’s one hand, furiously stroking away until complete.  The other hand just kinda hangs out, unused.  Maybe, once in a blue moon, someone will grab their testicles, but that’s about it.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  The penis is the only thing that can be involved, everything else is reserved for someone else’s use during Real Sex™?

My penis is absolutely the star of the show when I masturbate, but there’s usually an ensemble supporting cast.  My “spare” hand will wander around my chest and stomach and thighs and side and neck and hair, it’ll rub my nipples, run through my pubic hair, pull my testicles, push on the perineum, and squeeze around the base of the shaft.  Sometimes, even my prostate will get involved.

–

I do it alone.  Now, clearly, most people who masturbate will typically do it alone in a physical sense.  But the act usually involves someone else mentally.  A partner, a stranger, the person in the porn.  There’s a fantasy built up and acted upon.  Masturbation isn’t masturbation, it’s Real Sex™ with someone who isn’t there.  Sex toy descriptions will often go into great detail about how it’s really someone’s willing whatever-body-part disembodied to please you, it’s not a textured rubber tube.  It can never be done alone.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  That it always has to be done in the service of a conquest, even if that conquest is imaginary, otherwise it’s a waste of the Power of the Cock™?

I typically do it alone in a mental sense.  I don’t fantasize.  I don’t do it to someone or for someone or whatever.  My toys are just toys, they’re not replicas or simulations of people.  Even when looking at porn, there’s no sense of personal insertion into the scene.  Whenever I try to fantasize or imagine myself in the porn scene, it becomes distracting to the point of making things more difficult.  Even in VR porn, which is supposed to make you part of the scene, there’s a disconnect.

–

So, I don’t know.  Is this all just toxic masculinity bullshit that I don’t subscribe to that forces everyone else to put on a mask and not admit what they actually do and actually like?  Is this asexuality skewing how I experience things?  Is it a combination?  Does it really matter?  Probably not.

Learning How (AMAB, Cis, Man)

Posted on by Atomic Goat

[Content Warning:  This post talks about masturbation and anatomy beyond the read more.]

At the start, I had a few puzzle pieces, but I didn’t have the box to know what the picture was supposed to look like.  This piece says “requires erection”.  This piece is marked “simulates intercourse”.  “This piece looks like it reads “feels good”.  It seemed like it would be worth seeing the finished picture, but how?  There was a lot of trial and error while trying to understand out how the pieces fit together.

I didn’t have access to any informational resources on the topic.  I didn’t have access to the Internet at that time.  (We didn’t even have a computer with a modem then, and people these days barely even know what a modem is.)  My parents didn’t leave books on sex in the bookshelf for my curiosity to explore.  I didn’t have anyone in my social circle who showed me what they discovered.  The pervy neighbor kid didn’t blab about his secret porno mag stash.  I never walked in on anyone.  Maybe some of that was related to being asexual.  I never thought “Wow, she’s hot” and had a conversation about that, which might have led to the question “Do you jack off thinking about her?”  I was on my own to get it figured out.

Adding to that, the problem was physical in one way.  When I was born, my parents, like many parents of penis-bearing children, decided to spring for the unnecessary and pointless genital mutilation option package, and had my foreskin removed without asking me.  The foreskin is a sleeve of skin that wraps around the head of the penis, and I’ve heard that many people discover masturbation when they pull it back and learn that the movement feels good.  I’ve also heard that it helps with the act by providing a way to stroke the penis without lube and that the head is more sensitive with one, not to mention how sensitive a flap of skin in that area would be.  (It’s important to note that circumcision gained widespread non-religious acceptance in this country specifically as a way to prevent masturbation.  All that “It’s cleaner!” nonsense came later.)  So, because I was circumcised, masturbation was harder to discover, harder to do, and probably doesn’t feel as good as it could have. 

So anyway, I had those puzzle pieces and those challenges, but I was determined to figure it out.  “Requires erection.”  That one was easy for me at the time.  Thinking about getting an erection usually gave me an erection, and sometimes they’d happen on their own.  So if I needed one, it wasn’t far away.  “Simulates intercourse.”  This is one thing the pervy neighbor kid did blab about, somewhat.  Intercourse is where a guy puts his penis into a woman’s vagina.  Okay.  Makes sense.  But what’s a “vagina”?  Well, the penis is sort of like a hot dog, so is a vagina sort of like a hot dog bun?  I tried folding things into the shape of a hot dog bun and putting my penis into them, but didn’t have much success.  Eventually (probably in sex-ed the next year) I learned that the vagina is more of a tube, and the penis actually goes inside it.  Okay, so let’s try tube things.  Toilet paper tube…  Nope.  Wrap a towel around it?  Nope.  I’d heard vaginas described as “tight” as being a good thing, so okay, wrap a towel around it tightly?  That ain’t working, either.  At some point, I learned that there was motion involved in intercourse, that it wasn’t just insert tab A and wait five minutes for it to feel good.

Just so you know, even if you introduce motion to a toilet paper tube or a tightly wrapped towel, it’s still not going to work all that well…  I don’t think I wanted to use my bare hand, out of fear of the low, but apparently non-zero risk of unwanted hair growth that everyone warned about.  But even if I had, the lack of a foreskin would have made that difficult.

I don’t remember how or why, but eventually I got the idea that the whole thing needed to be a bit more slippery.  Maybe it was the next year’s sex ed class that provided the necessary hint, I don’t remember.  Anyway, I needed something slippery, and soap lather while in the shower was slippery.  Plus, soap washed away germs and things, so whatever microbes or spores or whatever that were supposed to lead to hair growth would probably be washed away when using soap, so I decided to risk using my hand for it.

And even that didn’t work right away.  All the pieces of the puzzle I knew about were there and in place, but there were still holes in the picture.  Pieces I didn’t know the puzzle even had.  Everything had implied that it would be a simple rub and done, but nope.  Grip strength, stroke speed and depth, different parts with different sensations.  All that had to be figured out, too.  And when I eventually did have my first orgasm, it was a weird, nauseous, muscular pumping sensation, rather than something pleasurable.  It took more tries and experimentation before it started to feel good.

In all, it was probably two years between when I first heard of the word “masturbation” and decided I wanted to try that out and the time I was successful.

Two years.

And that was just for a basic, reliable, quickie orgasm.  No frills race to the finish.  Over the years that followed, there were small improvements or enhancements.  It was probably another ten years on before I discovered a few things that fundamentally changed how good it felt, and there were still things I learned after that.

So basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not instant, you shouldn’t expect to naturally just know what to do.  Don’t get discouraged, keep trying, and you might eventually figure out how it works.  Plus, you have the benefit of learning from others, something I didn’t have.  (Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a missing puzzle piece over on the left side that I still need to figure out…)

And I do wonder how much asexuality played a role in that.  If I weren’t ace, would I have figured it out sooner?  Would I have gotten better at it earlier?  Or would I still have been clueless and fumbling, just thinking about a girl while I was clueless and fumbling?

Sex Dreams (AMAB, Cis, Man)

Posted on by Atomic Goat

I’ve had sex dreams.  They’re not frequent, but I have had them.  Years ago, they actually sort of included sex (or, at least, a weird approximation of sex-ish actions, that sometimes involved detachable penises and taco-style vaginas).  These days, in the rare event that I have one, they tend to fall into one of three buckets:

  1. Masturbation:  In the masturbation dreams, there are typically two common elements:  I’m in a bathroom (usually an architecturally odd bathroom), and I get interrupted (usually by someone who doesn’t notice what I’m doing).  I have no idea where this is coming from, as I rarely masturbate in bathrooms (let alone architecturally odd ones), and I’ve never had anyone interrupt me.  I usually wake up before I finish.
  2. Auto-fellatio:  These are particularly strange, as I do not have the flexibility required to pull this off, nor have I ever been on the giving or receiving end of this action, so I have no idea where my brain’s dream center is pulling this from.  I usually wake up from these dreams shortly after it starts happening, because something manages to see through the dream logic and say “You can’t actually do that” and “Why is it so sandpapery”.  …  Is it actually sandpapery?  I really don’t know.  It doesn’t seem like it should be sandpapery.
  3. “Are you trying to seduce me?”:  These are perhaps the most asexual of my sex dreams.  The basic plot line is this:  A scantily clad woman approaches and starts being extremely forward.  Sometimes the clothes she is wearing start to be removed (or just disappear), and she make it very clear that she would like to have sex with me.  And I’m just like “Uh…  No thank you.  I don’t really know you, and I have something else I need to be doing.  I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested.  No really, I’m trying to get somewhere and I’m not interested.”  It’s like there’s a part of my brain that didn’t get the memo.  It’s still churning out A+ sex fantasies, only to have me nope out.  (I should note that it’s almost always a woman.  I think it was a man once, but the plot of the dream proceeded mainly the same way.)

Other Toys

This is a brief rundown of some of the other types of toys that are out there.

Handheld Shower Head:  A handheld shower head with various massage options can be used to masturbate.  The spray can be directed against the vulva or clitoris.  They can also be used on the penis and testicles, but they are often less effective.  Handheld shower heads are a popular masturbation device because they are completely discreet and will immediately wash away any fluids produced.  (If you don’t have a handheld shower attachment, the water from a bathtub faucet can be used in much the same way, although in a much more limited position.) And even if you don’t use them to masturbate, they’re a useful upgrade to your shower, because you’ll no longer have to twist and contort to get the shower spray to rinse off that impossible spot on the back side of your knee.

Pillows:  A bunched up pillow can be grinded against for clitoral stimulation.  If you have a penis, a condom or plastic bag with a little bit of lube can be placed between pillows and thrusted into.  Place a towel over the pillow before use for easier cleanup.  Pillows are also a completely discreet option. (As long as you avoid wet spots…)

Cock Rings:  Cock rings are placed on the penis or around the testicles to aid with an erection and alter the sensations.  Some have vibrators attached.  Many times they come in packs of multiple sizes, so you can use the size that works best.  You want something that is roughly the diameter of the erect penis.  Too big and it will come right off, too small and it can start to hurt and you’ll end up with one of those four hour erections that you’re supposed to call a doctor about. Sometimes, the rings can be large enough to fit around both the penis and the testicles. Be careful with rings or you might end up with a trip to the ER having a metal ring buzzsawed off a part of your body that should never be near a buzzsaw.

Pumps:  Suction devices meant to draw blood into various areas to make it swell up and become larger or more sensitive.

Dolls:  Generally human-ish replicas used for intercourse simulation or carpool lane fraud.  Can be inflatable (like a beach ball), plush (like a stuffed toy), or metal and rubber (like a robot who’ll kill us all).

Partial Anatomy Replicas:  More than a sleeve/dildo, but less than a doll, these replicate parts of human anatomy.  Usually it’s just a section of the pelvis, with a labia and a vaginal hole, but others exist with a penis and testicles.  Butt (usually with an anal hole) and breast replicas also exist, as do full torso models.

Sex Machines:  These take many (large, noisy) forms, from a vibrating saddle with a dildo on the seat, to a reciprocating actuator with a dildo or sleeve on the end, to an alternating suction device.  On the smaller end, there are also some automatic strokers that might fit in this category.

Balls and Beads:  Sometimes sold for vaginal exercise (strengthen those Kegel muscles!), these are roughly ping-pong sized balls.  If they have a string, they can potentially be used anally (although put a condom on them if you do that, because strings are not easy to clean)  Beads are smaller variants on the balls, and are typically specifically for anal use.