[Content Warning: self-harm, aphobia]

As a child, I discovered masturbation accidentally while home alone. I didn’t even understand what had happened until I later tried to replicate things. And when it happened, I had been watching let’s play videos for most of the actual action, but the unexpected (and at the time, distressing) climax happened after I’d moved on to somewhat suggestive commercial compilations. This was after I’d been consuming both written and visual porn for some amount of time, so even though I’d had a non-sexual interest in erotic material before, that climax event ended up tying together masturbation and erotic material for me. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what would have happened if it had happened differently, would I connect gaming to sexuality? Would I not connect erotic stuff with it, despite the seemingly clear connection? What it tells me is that, at least for me, it was arbitrary; I didn’t start masturbating because I was attracted to people or representations of people, it just felt strange and I was curious enough to keep experiencing it until something happened.

And that’s another thing, I don’t know if I ever really thought of it was feeling “good” just “interesting”. It felt like masturbation, and there wasn’t really anything else to compare it to, good or bad. I kept doing it, so probably not too bad, for a time anyway. U to high school, I masturbated regularly, ot really thinking twice about it. I recognized it was something I wanted to hide from my (religious) parents at some point, but there was no real shame inherent to the activity.

Then in high school, I realized I was ace, and my best friend started asking questions about what I looked at when i touched myself, and since my answer was not “nothing”, that was reason enough to invalidate my identity. But the thing is, I don’t really think I used the images or videos to get aroused as much as I had that association, Maybe eventually my body tied those things together and that’s why now I can get aroused seeing erotic imagery, but that’s not how it was growing up. It didn’t matter though, I had reason to doubt my asexuality and I started to be ashamed of how much I touched myself. I wanted to stop completely as far back as grade 10, but it had become such a habit that I never got much progress there.

When i got really depressed and lonely in university, I felt like one of the only things to do in my life was masturbation, and I already wasn’t able to fully enjoy that because of shame that had been in me for years at that point. And Maybe it was a manifestation of taht shame, but evernually it just, literally started physically feeling bad. And after that, I began using it as self harm Like, a lot.

When i got a therapist and worked hard on stopping all of my self harming, I was able to make some real progress on quitting masturation, and when i was abstinant, I felt pretty great, but when i relapsed, the shame was even greater.

I eventually did stop, and I felt pretty good about that.  I reframed things as doing things if they felt ok, and not shaming myself for doing anything at all, recognizing when it was self harm and when it wasn’t, trying to be as sure as i could when which was which. I worked through recognizing that masturbation doesn’t negate my asexuality in any way. But then I found out that because I was transitioning with hormones, if I didn’t keep using my bits, they’d atrophy, and then I would lose the choice to use it. I didn’t like having my choice taken away, so soon after regaining it. I wasn’t ashamed anymore, i clould touch without it just being self harm, and now i have to masturbate whether I want to or not.

At least things are more neutral now. Maybe it’s the estrogen, but i can kinda almost maybe get into mastubation now.



I am a cis woman. Due to my menstrual cycle, I go from sex-repulsed to neutral to sometimes positive. That’s when I’d indulge in sexual fantasies. Those sexual fantasies would lead to arousal if properly envisioned, allowing me to masturbate with a higher chance of orgasm.

In my daydreams, I fantasize (a better version of) myself having sexual intercourse with someone, real or not. It’s often a slow process, and it can take hours or even a couple days before I feel aroused enough to take a step further.

But once I start masturbating, all fantasies evaporate. I just cannot concentrate on the daydream and what I’m doing and feeling at the same time. It also doesn’t add up. In my fantasies, I do things to someone else and that someone do things to me (consensually), but there, I’m alone. Those are my own hands touching my own body, therefore it’s like breaking the fourth wall and my suspension of disbelief just dissipates.

I tried to hold onto my daydreams but it takes too much of my mind and makes the process of masturbating laborious. At times, for a fraction of second, I can imagine that those are my fantasy partner’s hands and it boosts my arousal, but it never last.

So there it is for me: sexual fantasies are to trigger my arousal before masturbating. And while I masturbate it’s just me, what I do and what I feel.

[Content Warning: This page discusses a number of masturbation techniques in detail. Anatomy will be referenced where necessary.]

A number of people have expressed interest in trying to masturbate, but have also expressed a desire to avoid touching their genitals directly while doing so. This page explores a number of options. Some of these are a bit more “hands on”, but none of them require direct contact between hands and genitals.

All of these techniques will take practice. You should not expect hours of earth-shattering orgasmic bliss on the first try. If you don’t have an orgasm, that’s not a failure! Try to get somewhere that feels good, and build on that next time. You may never end up having an orgasm with some of these techniques, and that’s okay. Focus on what you are getting from the experience, rather than dwelling on what you’re not. You may not even want to have an orgasm, and that’s fine, too.

In some cases, a lot of the reluctance to try masturbating for vulva owners stems from the common misconception that masturbation requires penetration. If you’re in that camp, you may be relieved to know that it does not! For many people, external clitoral stimulation alone is enough to masturbate and reach orgasm. These tips are all possible without penetration, however a handful of them can be adjusted to include non-contact penetration, if desired.

Bad news, I’m afraid. While many of these techniques are possible on a penis, they can be much more difficult than they are with a clitoris. A lot of penis owners may be able to attain some level of pleasure with most of these techniques, but don’t be disappointed if it does not lead to orgasm.

One of the more common ways to masturbate without genital contact is to simply leave your clothes on (or use some other barrier, like a towel or cloth) and rub or stroke your genitals through the clothing. Experiment with different layers, as too many layers may dull the sensation, while too few may be too close for comfort.

This technique is even used by a lot of people who don’t mind direct genital contact for the simple reason that they may find direct stimulation of the clitoris to be too strong and unpleasant. You can also use a lot of toys this way, especially vibrators, as the clothing helps to dampen the sensation somewhat.

This is one of the more difficult techniques to perform on a penis, because of the limited range of motion and limited area of stimulation. Circular rubbing with some pressure on the frenulum area (A bit just below the head of the penis on the “under” side) may provide some success. Other than that, try a few different techniques on a few different areas and see if anything responds.

Using toys is one of the easiest, most effective, and most common ways to masturbate without touching your genitals. Most toys are designed to take the work away from your hands. You can buy toys from many places online, and most will ship in a plain box with no indication of what’s inside. If you’re nervous about buying an actual sex toy, a lot of easily available massagers can be used to masturbate with. (Plus, you can use them on your sore shoulders if you decide you don’t want to use them downstairs.)

Many vibrators are phallic or cylindrical in shape and are designed for penetration, but you do not need to use them for that purpose if that’s not for you.

Vibrators, although common, are unfortunately not the easiest to use on a penis. It may be possible to get some level of pleasure, but it can be difficult to attain orgasm with one, if that’s your goal. A “stroker” sleeve may be more effective.

Some sleeves are on the small side and may not completely prevent your hand from touching your genitals. Sleeves also require some form of lubricant, which may be a non-starter for some people. The lubricant can be applied to the toy itself.

A potential problem you may encounter while using a sleeve is that it may be difficult to get your penis inside it without guidance. With an adequate erection, you can usually angle things in a way that it will work, but it may take a number of tries to get it right. If you’re not completely averse to touching down there briefly, a quick guiding hand, similar to the contact you might make when urinating, will make the entry process easier.

Grinding is a totally hands free way to masturbate. It involves pressing your genitals against something and moving around in a way that stimulates them. It can be done fully clothed, if you want. Pillows, bunched up blankets or towels, chair or couch arms, and mattresses are some common items used for grinding.

Closely related to grinding, a penis can be placed inside or between things like the blankets and pillows mentioned above, and a hip thrusting action can be used to move it around and cause stimulation. Take particular care to avoid anything that’s rough, sharp, or that you can get stuck in. Also, consider using a condom or something like a sock, or this technique can get messy.

You may also find some success by grinding using the perineal area, rather than the penis itself. The perineum is the zone behind the testicles and in front of the anus. Using something like a rolled up bunch of socks or a tennis ball to provide some pressure on that area can sometimes be pleasurable.

A common no-hands masturbation method is to use flowing water. Positioning your genitals under the flow from a bathtub faucet is one way to do this. Using the spray from a handheld shower head is another way. The shower head allows you to try different angles, different spray styles, and target different areas. With either one, be sure to test the temperature first, as water that’s too hold can be painful and too cold can shut everything down.

Pretty much just aim at the clitoris.

Sensitive areas are different for different people and may change during your session. Some commonly responsive areas are the frenulum area (just below the head on the “under” side), and the testicles/perineum zone.

Gloves are a great way to avoid direct contact with the genitals. When wearing them, your hands are fully covered, yet you are still able to stimulate things freely.

However, this method is very similar to direct hand-to-genital stimulation, so it may be too close for comfort for a lot of people.

This is basically the opposite method from using a glove. Instead of covering your hand, cover your genitals with something like a condom or dental dam.

Similar to using a glove, this method may be too close for comfort for many people.

On the negative side, it can be extremely difficult to put on a condom without touching the penis. With practice, it can be unrolled over an erection without touching directly.

On the plus side, if you’re not a fan of ejaculation, a condom is specifically designed to capture that.

Some people can masturbate by squeezing their thighs together and shaking/bouncing their legs. Wearing tight clothes, like jeans, has been reported to be helpful for this technique.

This technique can be extremely difficult and frustrating to try with a penis, because a penis is not in the right position for this, and it can be very uncomfortable to try to bend an erection between your legs.

Squeezing and tensing your muscles downstairs can work for some people. While a lot of the muscles in that area can be used, the primary one to focus on is called the “PC Muscle”. It’s the muscle you would use to control a flow of urine. Experiment with squeezing and holding this muscle, or squeezing and releasing at various speeds, until you find something that works. It may not be much at first, but the sensations can build, if you’re successful.

There are even exercises called “Kegels” which focus on the PC muscle, often with the goal of having stronger orgasms.

So you’re not a fan of touching your genitals, but how do you feel about other areas of your body? Some other areas may be pleasurable to touch and stimulate, such as the chest, nipples, neck, thighs, hair, lower torso, and feet. Nipples in particular can be a highly sensitive zone, regardless of your body type.

Several of the techniques mentioned above can be used together, so try combining them in different ways and see if that helps. Use a toy while grinding. Touch your nipples while using a shower head. The muscle tensing one can be combined with every other technique.


Toy: Fleshlight Quickshot

Designed For: Penis

Type: Open-ended sleeve with hard case

Price: ~$35

Anatomical Features: None

tl;dr:  Pretty good toy.  The cheapest way to try the Fleshlight line, but not necessarily the best.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]


The Fleshlight Quickshot is a stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It is about four inches long and three inches in diameter.  The sleeve itself is a super soft and stretchy material that does not have a scent, but that is slightly tacky and will attract hair and dust if not stored properly.  The Quickshot has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  There are two types to choose from:  Black case with grey sleeve insert, or clear case with clear insert.  Each one has a slightly different interior texture.  The toy is reusable and the material is high quality and with proper cleaning and normal use, it should last a long time.

The sleeve is open on both ends (both ends are identical) and is housed in a hard plastic case.  The interior of the sleeve is lined with small bumps and flaps.  At rest, the sleeve has a 0.75 inch diameter, but it will easily stretch to beyond two inches when used.  The stretching is limited by the diameter of the hard plastic case, but the sleeve can be removed and used without the case.  The toy is intended to be used with the case, as the sleeve works with the case to provide a consistent squeezing sensation that the sleeve alone would not have.  There are caps that attach to both ends of the toy, which hide and protect the sleeve inside.  It is possible to use the toy with one of the caps still on, but more on that later.  If you’re familiar with the Fleshlight, imagine if they cut out a section of the handle of that toy and you’ll have a good idea of what the Quickshot is like.

The intended use of a Fleshlight Quickshot is with a penis.  Lube is a requirement. (Water based!  Other types of lubes may damage the toy.)  Lube is placed around the opening and inside the sleeve, or on the penis, depending on personal preference.  The erect penis is inserted into the sleeve and the toy is typically used in a stroking motion, sliding it up and down along the shaft.  It can also be twisted and rotated as it is used.  Many penises will be longer than the sleeve, and the head will come out the other side when it is used.  This means that the entire penis will not be stimulated at the same time, but also allows the user to focus on one area (for instance, if stimulating the head is unpleasant, the sleeve can be used on the shaft alone, once it’s on) or vary their stimulation.  It also allows the use of a different toy or different stimulation on the area that’s not covered.

Unfortunately, the short(-ish) length and open end makes it difficult to avoid contact with fluids.  The case largely (though not entirely) will prevent lube from getting on your hands, but it can be difficult to avoid contact with other fluids, as the open end will not contain ejaculation and the head of the penis may not even be inside the toy when it happens.  I mentioned earlier that the toy could be used with the end cap still on.  That would help in this situation, however, as I mention in the personal take below, that may make the toy harder to use.

The toy is very easy to clean.  The sleeve can be popped out of the case and run under any faucet.  Water can be run directly through the sleeve.  The sleeve insert can also be turned inside out to be cleaned and dried.  Make sure you let it air dry for a while to be sure it is completely dry before enclosing it back in the case.

The case says “Fleshlight Quickshot”, and the G is the Mars Symbol (♂).  While it doesn’t scream “I’m a sex toy” from a distance (at least with the caps on), it is not very discreet, so you would probably not be able to hide it in plain sight.  (The clear case one would be even more noticeable.)

From what I’ve seen, the packaging for this toy is matter-of-fact and not pornographic or crude.  If you buy from Fleshlight directly, the toy will probably not come in any additional packaging.  It should be noted that the Fleshlight website does contain softcore nudity and suggestive images, as well as explicit images of anatomically designed toys.  Many other stores sell the Quickshot, and some of them may be more friendly, if you’d rather not see that kind of thing.

It seems like it might be difficult to use this toy hands free.  Its open end would mean that it would be messy, and its small size might make it difficult to keep in place.

As far as other uses, it does not seem like this would be a good toy for small penises or clitorises, however, I have not heard anyone indicate that they’ve tried it.  I can potentially see it being used as a sort of bumper on a penetrative toy, to prevent it from going in too deep and to provide a soft squishy bit of padding.  If anyone has further information, please let me know.

Personal Take:

Overall, I like this toy.  It’s not as good as a full sized Fleshlight, but it does work fairly well, and it’s compact enough to take on vacation. 

The material is slightly different than the regular Fleshlight inserts.  It’s a bit more “rubbery” feeling.  I think they’re trying to make their sleeves less porous, which is a good thing.  I like the original material better, but this is still really good.  It’s soft and stretchy and strong, which are three key points for me when it comes to toys.

I usually use it in a full length stroking motion, very similar to how I’d use my hand.  It seems to take longer to reach orgasm and the journey there isn’t as good as a regular Fleshlight.  The short length means it’s not stimulating my whole penis at the same time, and in particular, the head and the frenulum area get left out.  However, the orgasms themselves seem slightly stronger, possibly because I’m able to change the angle and direct pressure partway down my penis, which is not something the full-length Fleshlight allows.  I’ve also noticed that it seems to squeeze around the coronal ridge on the upstroke (a good thing), which is something I typically only get from my hand because other toys don’t do it.  Although it can be twisted or rotated, I rarely do that.

I have tried placing it all the way down at the base of the shaft and leaving it there while I stimulate the head in a different way.  I didn’t really like it.  The two competing sensations felt awkward and disjointed.  I tried using both the clear and the black one at the same time, and it felt the same way.

I’ve noticed that it has a sort of cock ring effect, meaning that when it’s at the base of the shaft, it will make the erection firmer.  It’s far more comfortable than a typical ring.

I think this effect makes the orgasms a bit more, um, forgive the term, squirty, than with other toys.  I think it constricts and places more pressure on the urethra than other toys do, and it’s a more consistent pressure than my hand.  That does tend to make it feel better, but also makes it considerably more messy.

The mess can be a problem.  I don’t mind my own personal fluids, but I don’t always want to have to deal with them.  With closed-ended toys, it’s all contained within the toy, so I just take it off, take it to the sink, and it’s all done.  But because this toy is open ended, I have to deal with cleaning that up.  It would be possible to finish inside the sleeve and try to have it contained there, but that doesn’t feel as good and it’s still no guarantee that nothing won’t get out.

In the other section, I mentioned using it with the cap still on one end.  I’ve found it mostly unusable like that.  The sleeve doesn’t have anywhere to stretch to with the cap on, so it won’t expand enough for me to pass through.  I end up sort of getting stopped.  It’s a rather jarring and unpleasant feeling.  It doesn’t feel like I’m hitting the plastic at the end, it just feels like the sleeve won’t let me go any further.    As a result, the insertion depth is too shallow.  It can stimulate the head, but it doesn’t feel like it does enough there.

I’ve tried using the clear one, but I don’t particularly get anything special out of it.  There isn’t that much to see.  It might be more exciting for other people or for anyone watching (This is partially marketed as a couples’ toy, too), but it doesn’t do anything for me.

One of the major downsides of the Quickshot is that because the head of the penis will stick out of the toy, the lube is susceptible to drying out and can cause the toy to get sticky.  A little bit of this is an interesting sensation, as the skin is gently pulled in different ways, but a lot of this is just painful.  With a normal Fleshlight, I rarely have to reapply lube, but with this one, I have to do it frequently.

I realize I’m constantly comparing it to a full Fleshlight, and that’s doing this toy a disservice.  This toy is far better than most of the stuff that’s out on the market.  I’d put it roughly at the same level as a Tenga 3D sleeve, which I really like and hardly ever compare to a Fleshlight.  It’s also a huge improvement over just using my hand.

I’ve found it’s a good shower toy.  The case means it can be left there and not get wet and it won’t slide or roll around when not in use.  The messiness mentioned above isn’t a factor when it all just washes away.  It’s lighter than a regular Fleshlight, so it’s more comfortable to hold and use while standing.  And when water based lube starts to get sticky, it can be reactivated with a few drops of water, and in the shower, water’s readily available.

Bottom Line:

Pros: Stretchy, soft, strong material, great for stroking, easy to clean, non-anatomical design, has storage case.

Cons: Not discreet, not very small, can get messy, lube tends to dry out.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]


This image is a photo of the QuickShot in its case, with a 12oz soda can for comparison. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of multiple QuickShots next to a ruler for a size reference. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the entry of a QuickShot. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a close-up of the interior of a QuickShot, showing its texture. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the QuickShot sleeve removed from its case. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo of the QuickShot being placed on the shaft of a purple penis-shaped dildo, with the head exposed. No actual nudity is shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Videos beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows the interior sleeve of the QuickShot being stretched by hand. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows lubricant being applied to the outer rim of the QuickShot. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows the QuickShot being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.


Toy: Tenga Spinner

Designed For: Penis

Type: Close-ended sleeve

Price: ~$25-30

Anatomical Features: None

tl;dr:  Decent sleeve toy, but I’m concerned about long term reliability.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]


The Tenga Spinner is a closed-ended stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It’s about 5.5 inches long and 2 inches wide.  The sleeve itself is a super soft and stretchy material that does not have a scent, but that is slightly tacky and will attract hair and dust if not stored properly in the included storage case.  The Spinner has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  There are three types to choose from, but all of them have a similar interior, featuring discrete bumps  The size and shape of these bumps is the main difference between the three models.

The intended use of a Tenga Spinner is with a penis.  Lube is a requirement. (Water based!  Other types of lubes may damage the toy.)  Lube is placed around the opening and inside the sleeve, or on the penis, depending on personal preference.  The erect penis is inserted into the sleeve and the toy is typically used in a stroking motion, sliding it up and down along the shaft.

The sleeve is closed on one end.  This means that the toy will fully contain any fluids produced during its use.  This means you won’t make a mess when you use it, but it also means that the toy itself can be difficult to clean and get fully dry.  The case comes with a drying stand (which doesn’t work all that well, more on that later).

The distinguishing feature of this toy is the pair of plastic coils embedded in the sleeve material. They spiral around the circumference of the toy.  As you stroke, the coils expand and twist, pulling the sleeve along with them.  This gives the toy a slight spinning sensation in addition to the typical up and down stroking movement.  These coils also provide some pressure that the toy material itself would not.

The sleeve has a diameter of about an inch at rest, but can easily stretch to two inches or more when in use.  The 5.5 inch length will also stretch, so if your penis is longer than the toy, the last inch or two won’t feel left out.  The plastic coil will limit the stretchability, but I’m not sure how far it can be stretched before that becomes a problem, because I don’t want to damage my toy.

The material is translucent, but not clear.  It’s too foggy for a clear view of the penis, although the general shape can be made out.  I think it’s more likely that this toy is only see-through to show off the coils and their twisting action.  Clear toys tend to get foggy after a few uses anyway, so this isn’t a big deal.

It’s possible to mostly avoid contact with fluids while using this toy.  If you’re careful, your hand probably won’t get covered in lube, although some will start to gather around the open end of the toy.  Also, because it has a fully closed end, ejaculation will be caught by the toy.  It’s much less messy than using a Tenga Egg, but not as clean as using a Fleshlight.

With the toy in the case, it sort of looks like a quirky little sculpture or a small lava lamp or an energy drink container or something.  It doesn’t really give off a “sex toy” vibe.  The case does say “Tenga: New Adult Concept”, though, so anyone examining it closely would see that and be a quick Internet search away from discovering what it is.  As you can see in the photos below, the packaging for the toy is not explicit or crude.  It is very matter-of-fact about what it’s used for, and does not try to indicate that it simulates and kind of sex act or should be used with a partner or anything like that.

It does not seem like this would be a good toy for a small penis or a clitoris.  The internal diameter is around an inch, and the coils make it difficult to squeeze it any smaller than that.  It also seems like the toy should not be used vaginally, as the toy is made of a potentially porous material that should not be used internally.  And it definitely should not be used anally, as there is no flaring to prevent the toy from being stuck.

Personal Take:

It’s similar in size and shape to the Tenga 3D line (in fact, I think the case uses the same mold as one of the 3D sleeves), which is nice.  It’s big enough that my entire penis can fit inside and small enough that I can toss it in a drawer or take it on vacation.  It’s also soft and stretchy and doesn’t smell bad, which are some of the most important features in a toy like this.

It has better suction than most closed toys.  The air tends to get squeezed out as I enter, and there isn’t much fussing around to prevent ballooning.  The suction doesn’t prevent movement, like it can in some other toys.

The spiral plastic coils provide just the right amount of pressure.  I can feel it, and there’s definitely more pressure than there is in most similar sleeves, but it’s working for me, not trying to cut off circulation or push me out.  (In fact, if I let go, it stays put, unlike most toys, which will slowly squeeze themselves off the end.)  The coil pressure also squeezes the sleeve closed against the head, so the entire head gets some stimulation.  The coil is embedded deep enough in the material that I can’t feel the individual ribs, only the consistent pressure from all of them.  All-in-all, there’s a pleasant sensation of being enveloped by the toy.

It’s this pressure that’s most apparent for me, and not the spinning action.  I barely feel the spinning, actually.  The coil unspools and twists as the material of the sleeve expands, but it’s doing most of this just in front of the head of the penis.  But by time the head gets there, the coil has already done about 90% of the twisting motion, so there’s very little left for the head to experience, and even less for the shaft.  If you want spinning all the way down, you’ll have to provide that yourself.

One marketing video shows the toy being gripped from the closed end and the toy spinning the whole way down the shaft.  I’m sure that’s all well and nice for the rigid glass rods used in that commercial, but my penis doesn’t work that way and doesn’t really like having pressure applied in that way so it started to bend out of the way (never a good thing), and the toy just sort of squashed itself instead of sliding down.  Instead, I’ll grip it near the bottom and stroke with my hand on the shaft and let the toy take care of the head by itself.  Usually with sleeves like this, I’ll have to provide pressure to the head with my hand, but here the coil takes care of that.  I can also grip in the middle and get a little bit of twist on the lower shaft, but it’s really not that effective.

The coil is the biggest distinguishing feature and the biggest benefit to this toy, but it’s also my biggest worry.  It seems like the plastic of the coil might break or that it might tear away from the sleeve material itself over time.  The toy isn’t so expensive that it would be a total rip-off if that happened down the line (I’m at a pretty good Dollars Per Orgasm rate with this toy so far…), but I don’t like things that fall apart, and this feels like something at risk of falling apart.  I’m especially concerned about the possibility of the coil snapping and leaving a sharp edge, because sharp edges suddenly appearing on something that’s sliding on my penis is not my idea of a good time.

I like the case that it comes in.  It’s a huge step up from the Tenga 3D cases, which were large and didn’t lock together.  This case isn’t much larger than the toy (so it’s portable and storable), and the pieces of the case lock together, so you can store it horizontally in a drawer without it coming apart.

A little bit of lube goes a long way in this toy.  The closed end helps with that.  I haven’t needed to stop and top it off, like some other toys require.

The material has a bit of a “grip” to it.  A lot of toys either stick or slide as I stroke, depending on how much lube is present.  But the Spinner gently pulls and sort of rolls along the skin.  It might be that as the coil contracts, the material relaxes and sort of grabs at the skin of the penis.  Whatever it is, I don’t think I’ve felt this kind of sensation before, but it’s rather enjoyable.

This “grip” and the previously mentioned suction act as a sort of speed limit for how fast I can stroke with it.  If I try going too fast, there’s too much resistance and too much pulling and it becomes uncomfortable.  That’s fine by me, going too fast tends to be overwhelming and unpleasant for me, anyway.  The toy seems to encourage edging, with a slow build to a strong orgasm.

Unfortunately, the “grip” of the material also can be felt on the outside of the sleeve, as well.  It’s not sticky exactly, but there’s a definite tacky feel to it.  When I take my hand away, this tackiness makes it feel like there’s something on my hand, even when the hand is perfectly clean and dry.  It’s nothing like the icky-stickiness of the Fleshskins Grip thing, but it’s certainly disconcerting.

I’ve also noticed that the toy warms up quickly, but in addition to that, it seems to transmit some of that warmth back.  Most toys just stop being cold, but this seems to actively be slightly warm.  I don’t know if that’s imagination or some sort of friction heating from the coil or what.

The place where this toy falls flat is in the cleanup.  The Tenga 3D line has some of the easiest cleanup in the world of penis toys.  When you’re done, invert it, wash it off, towel off the excess water, then place it on the pole included in the storage case to dry.  The texture is meant to be stored on the outside, so the whole thing is exposed to air and will dry out.  Not so with the Spinner.  It’s simple enough to run it under the faucet and clean it out.  Unfortunately, the coil means that you can’t invert it, so you can’t towel it off and you can’t let it air dry.  The coil also prevents squeezing out any of the moisture.  The case does have a stand with vent holes that’s supposed to be used to allow the toy to dry, but without airflow, the inside will never get fully dry.  That’s bad news.  That might make the toy unusable long before the coil has a problem.  It’s not the worst I’ve encountered, but there are definitely toys that are easier to dry than this one.

Bottom Line:

Pros: Stretchy, soft, strong material, great for stroking, non-anatomical design, has storage case.

Cons: Difficult to dry, concerns about longevity.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]


This image is a photo of the toy, its storage case, and a 12 oz. soda can for size comparison. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image is a photo showing the interior texture of the toy. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Video beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows the toy being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

The “spinning” motion of the sleeve can be seen.


Toy: Tenga Egg

Designed For: Penis

May Be Usable With: Clitoris

Type: Close-ended Sleeve

Price: ~$8 for 1, ~$30 for 6

Anatomical Features: None

Other Notes:  Some trans men report that this toy works well for them.  Other people report that this toy can be placed on the head of a wand vibrator.

tl;dr:  Good introductory toy, cheap price, good quality, easy to clean and versatile.

[Content Warning:  This post contains information about using a sex toy, including personal details of its use.  There are also images of the toy and how it is used, featuring a realistic penis toy.  These images are at the end of the post and there will be another warning before that point.]


The Tenga Egg is a stroker sleeve that’s designed for penises.  It’s about the size of a plastic easter egg (in fact, it comes in one that doubles as a storage case).  It’s made out of a soft, thin, stretchy material that does not have a scent.  The egg has a completely abstract, non-anatomical design.  The outside is smooth, while the inside has a texture of bumps and ridges.  Eggs come in a variety of textures, and the label usually has a design that indicates what the texture is like.  The size makes it a practical travel toy.

The intended use of a Tenga Egg is with a penis.  A few drops of lube are placed inside the egg (a packet of lube is provided with the purchase), and the egg is placed on the head of the penis.  Air is squeezed out to create suction.  Then the user strokes the penis, stretching the egg along the shaft.  The material will stretch to fit almost any size penis.  The egg can also be used in a twisting motion just on the head.  The thin, caseless design allows pressure from the hand to be felt on the penis.

Some trans men and people with large clitorises have successfully used the Tenga Egg.  They say that the size, squishiness, and immediate texture work for them.  However, some who have tried it have said that the sleeve is too wide to be useful.  The sleeve can also be turned inside out and used on the head of a wand style vibrator.  This adds a texture to the vibrator.  It also can dampen the vibration strength somewhat.  (The sleeve probably would not stay on a dildo, unless it is more firmly attached in some way.)

The eggs are sold as “single-use”, but it is possible to clean and reuse them, just be sure to dry them well.  The material is not super-strong, however, and it will start to stretch and deform.  It may eventually tear open, but depending on the type of tear, the toy may remain usable in some form.

This is probably not a good toy for anyone wishing to avoid direct genital contact or direct contact with fluids.  Using this toy will often result in your hand coming in direct contact with the penis, which will result in lubricant getting on your hand.  It will, however, do a good job of containing an ejaculation, as it has a closed end.  It is also difficult, if not impossible, to use this toy in a hands-free manner.

Personal Take:

I want to like the Tenga Egg more than I do.  I feel weird recommending a product that I’m not a huge fan of.  There’s nothing really wrong with a Tenga Egg, it’s just that I have better options.  Still, I wish that they were around when I started buying toys, because they would have been a far better entry-level option than the absolute junk I dealt with.  I definitely do not regret the purchase.

Stroking with the egg doesn’t do enough for me.  I think this is because the head just gets a slight stretching motion and downward pressure, while the main stimulation takes place down the shaft.  I tend to use it with a sort of twisting stroke motion, where I rotate the egg back and forth while stroking.  That gives the head more stimulation (sometimes too much, in fact) and works better for me.

I do like its softness and stretchiness.  I’ve used many toys that are too hard or too tight, and it feels like they don’t want to be used.  Maybe they’ll take too much pressure to enter, or the texture will be too stiff and grate on the shaft, and in some cases, the toys are so tight that they’ll squeeze themselves right off the end of the penis if I let go.  But with a Tenga Egg, I put myself in and stay in.  There’s little entry resistance.  And the textures provide stimulation, not irritation.  They seem softer than a Fleshlight, but a large part of that may just be the thinness of the material.  And it stretches to fit me without feeling like it’s cutting off circulation or about the squeeze itself off the end and go flying across the room.

One of my biggest issues with the egg is its size.  It’s considerably smaller than  my hand, so I can’t really get a good grip on it.  If I try the standard wrap-around grip, I inevitably end up with half my hand on the toy and half on bare skin, which ruins the sensation for me.  (I prefer all toy or all direct skin contact, mixing the two just feels strange.)  Then, on the upstroke, I almost take the toy completely off.  After that, since there’s lubricant involved, the half of the hand that was in contact with skin is now slippery itself, and starts to transfer to lubricant to the outside of the egg, making it entirely impossible to grip.  The twist-stroke method avoids this, as instead of using a wrap-around grip, I grip the toy from above with a back-handed grip that makes the twisting easier.  With this grip, my palm comes down along the head rather than sliding along the shaft, and my fingers stay firmly planted on the toy.

I have never had a Tenga Egg break, but I have probably never used the same egg more than a half dozen times.  I have had them start to stretch and deform, but this hasn’t affected their use.  When stretched all the way, the material becomes thin enough to be transparent, so I can definitely see how rough handling or too much use can wear it out.

Bottom Line:

Pros:  Cheap, stretchy, soft, easy to clean, lots of variety, non-anatomical design, doesn’t smell like chemical waste, comes with storage.

Cons: Can be messy, doesn’t stroke well, material does not seem super durable.

[Content warning:  There are pictures of the toy below this point, which include examples of its use on a realistic dildo.  There is no additional review text beyond this point, only captions.]


This image shows a size comparison between a Tenga Egg and a tennis ball. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg removed from its plastic Easter egg style container. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows a close-up of the entry hole of a Tenga Egg. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This image shows an inside-out Tenga Egg so the internal texture is visible. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

Each Tenga Egg has an different texture, noted on the label. This one has a simple grid shaped texture.

This image shows a Tenga Egg next to a 5-inch purple penis-shaped dildo for scale. No actual nudity is shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg placed on the head of a purple penis-shaped dildo to illustrate its use. No actual nudity is shown.

This image shows a Tenga Egg inverted and placed on the head of a wand style vibrator to illustrate its use. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

[Additional Content Warning: Videos beyond this point, including simulated use of the toy on a dildo.]

This video shows lube being placed inside a Tenga Egg and the egg being squeezed and rubbed to distributed the lube around the inside. No nudity or anatomical toys are shown.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being placed on the head of a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

The swirling at the start helps apply lube around the head so that it can be inserted into the toy easier.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being used in a stroking motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

You can see how thinly stretched the material becomes, yet it does not break.

This video shows a Tenga Egg being used in a twisting motion on a purple penis-shaped dildo. No actual nudity is shown.

This is an alternate way to use this toy which provides different stimulation than stroking alone.

One thing I don’t see get talked about much (if ever) when it comes to masturbation is how inconsistent the process is.  It feels like this is something that may be particularly important for asexual people to hear, given the challenges many ace people have in these areas.


Masturbation is inconsistent.

Well, not just masturbation.  Any kind of genital stimulation, really.  But I’m going to focus on masturbation here.

What works today may not work tomorrow.

How aroused you get today may not be how aroused you get tomorrow.

How strong the sensations are today may not be how strong the sensations are tomorrow.

How quickly you orgasm today may not be how quickly you orgasm tomorrow.

And so on and so on.  Today is not like tomorrow.

It’s not like playing an instrument or baking cookies, where following the same steps each time will lead to the same results, and you’ll refine your technique to perfection with enough practice.

I’ve been practicing regularly for years and I still haven’t figured out how to hit the high notes every time…

That’s not to imply that it isn’t good most of the time.  I can reliably orgasm and it reliably feels pretty good.  But just “pretty good”.  Sometimes only “okay”.  I’ve had “amazing” on occasion, but I have no idea what goes into the recipe that makes it “amazing” vs “okay”, when I’ll do the same thing in the same way and end up with wildly different results.

And I do mean the same thing.  As you may know, masturbating with a penis generally involves enveloping the shaft of the penis and stroking up and down along its length repeatedly.  Well, that action is a fairly easy one to replicate with a reciprocal motor.  So, they’ve made sex toys that do this motion.  And those toys will repeat the same motion exactly, consistently every time.  Speed, pressure, stroke length, etc.  It’s just back and forth the same way until the battery dies.  This, of course, makes it ideal for controlled experimentation.  It removes all the variables of manual stimulation.  By providing controlled, consistent stimulation, you should get controlled, consistent results.


One day, I’ll use that thing and within a few minutes, I’ll have a transcendently powerful orgasm that sweeps my whole body away in ecstasy where it takes thirty seconds before I remember how to breathe.  Next day, it’ll be twenty minutes in and I’ll be practically begging for something to happen so I can be done with it all, because I’m not getting anywhere but I can’t stop since I’ve spent all this time so I’d better get something out of it or it’s all been a waste but it’s starting to get numb so please finish soon.

Same steps, wildly different results.

I can’t even reliably tell how strong an orgasm will be beforehand.  I’ve had so many times where a highly pleasurable and lengthy buildup has led to a lackluster finish, and so many times where a weak buildup will quickly escalate into a very strong ending.

I think the only reason I’m able to reliably hit “pretty good” levels of enjoyment is that I’ve built up a bunch of little micro-techniques that I can play on shuffle.  That way, if one doesn’t work, I can try a few other things.  Eventually I’ll stumble upon the combination for today’s lock.

Most of these micro-techniques are little things that can temporarily boost the pleasure a little bit, and masturbating becomes a game where the goal is to boost the pleasure enough to hit the goal line, but the pleasure level is constantly declining and the micro-techniques only work for a short while before they go inactive, so it’s a race against the clock.  (And don’t even get me started about the bonus chances after you’ve reached the goal which could double your winnings or cause you to lose it all…)

So anyway, where I’m going with all this is that masturbation is a complicated, inconsistent business.  Especially if you’re just starting out.  And double especially if you’re asexual and some of the tips and techniques that other people may utilize will flat out not work for you. No one can give you a foolproof set of instructions that will be guaranteed to work for your body.   But you might eventually stumble on something that works and be able to build from there.

  • Asexual people can masturbate, if they want to.
  • Asexual people can use sex toys, if they want to.
  • Using an anatomical toy does not mean you’re secretly interested in that anatomy and does not invalidate asexuality.
  • There are toys of all types that are abstract/non-anatomical in design.
  • There are many toys for vulvas which do not require penetration.
  • There are a few toys for penises which do not require insertion.
  • There are many toys that can be used in a way where you do not have to touch your genitals directly.
  • There are many toys which can be used in a way where you do not have to come into contact with any fluids.
  • There are sex toy shops which focus on the toys and won’t fill your browser with sexual imagery.
  • If a toy looks cheap and sleazy, it probably is, so avoid it.
  • If any of the reviews mention a smell, avoid it.
  • Avoid jelly toys, as they disintegrate or melt and may be made with toxic chemicals.
  • Some stores make a point of not selling junk toys.
  • Most toy stores ship in plain boxes with an innocuous sounding company on the return address.
  • More expensive doesn’t necessarily mean better, but cheap almost always means worse.

And finally:

  • Use lube.

[Content Warning:  This post discusses personal experiences with masturbation (with a penis) in detail.]  

Masturbation.  It all seems different for me.

I don’t know how much of it is asexuality getting involved, how much of it is personal preference, and how much of it just a inaccurate public presentation of it that skews my perception of how it really is for other people.  My guess is that it’s a combination of the three in varying degrees.

I do it more gently.  Masturbation always seems to be depicted as a fast, frantic activity.  In censored TV shows and movies, they’ll indicate that someone is masturbating by showing fast hand movements.  In porn, the people seem to always stroke a hundred miles an hour.  Even euphemisms for it imply a violent action:  Jerk off, whack off, beat your meat…  But to me, all of that seems like sticking your penis in a paint shaker.  Just…  No.  How can you do that?

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  Have to be aggressive and dominant in all things, so be aggressive and dominant with your penis to show it who’s boss?

I’ve tried to go fast and hard at times, and it just seems to send things into an overload state.  This overload doesn’t translate into heightened pleasure, it translates into a message that says stop right now.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s unpleasant.  Everything kinds of shuts down.  If I can find the speed just below what triggers this overload state, then it may lead to a stronger ejaculation, but at the expense of everything else.  (More on that later…)

I go slower.  I go more gently.  I’ll even let it go a little soft at times.  I don’t need to wrestle and strangle my way to orgasm.  Caresses and coaxing and being kind seem to work better overall.

I enjoy the journey.  Masturbation is always depicted as being focused towards the orgasm.  That’s all there is.  How much did you ejaculate and how far did it go and that’s all that matters.  I get that that’s visually interesting for porn, but everything else also seems to treat it as a race to the finish, with nothing else along the way.  Go hard, go fast, get off.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  You’re not allowed to have feelings, especially sexual feelings that you provide yourself.  Ejaculation is a tangible result, so focus on that and only that?

For me, getting to orgasm is a huge part of the fun.  It feels good and I take extra steps to make it feel better for longer.  Sure, the orgasm is usually the best part, but let’s take a trip to calculus class for a moment.  Remember area under the curve?


These are pleasure charts for different types of masturbation.  The graph is an instantaneous reading of the level of pleasure at that moment in time, so the area under the curve is the total amount of pleasure for the session.  Figure 1 is a race to the finish.  Figure 2 is a longer, slower path.  Figure 3 compares the relative areas between the two.  As you can see, while the maximum value of pleasure is lower in the second graph, the overall amount of pleasure experienced is far higher.

On a more physical level, I enjoy the scenery on the journey.  There’s a lot to see, if you slow down and take a look.  A press on the frenulum.  The indistinct sensation of soft bumps of the toy passing over the corona.  The skin being pulled, then sliding loose.  A general enveloping pressure on the shaft. The wave that comes from tensing the right muscles at the right time.  It’s all nice in different ways, and it’s all an important part of the process for me.  It’s worth sacrificing a bit of ejaculatory distance for it.

(And don’t get me wrong, super strong orgasms are definitely nice, too…)

I sometimes involve calculus in a discussion of masturbation.  Okay, that one is all me.  Not much else to say there.

It’s not a substitute, it’s not practice, it’s not incomplete.  I think I’ve talked about this one before.  The prevailing message on masturbation is that it’s to be used as a substitute, only when Real Sex™ is unavailable.  It’s never looked at as something that can exist on its own, and be done for its own sake, just because it feels good, independent of other concerns.  It’s seen as a pathetic, lesser, half-measure, only done because your testicles will fill up and explode if you don’t do something about it.  Or that it’s merely an exercise, like daily jogging, done to keep in shape and prepare for the marathon of Real Sex™.

Is that really how people see it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  That you’re not allowed to do it by itself, that it has to be in the service of conquest and domination, a demonstration of your sexual prowess, otherwise it doesn’t matter?

Masturbation is different than Real Sex™ with a partner, certainly.  But that doesn’t make it inferior or unworthy.  If the way you masturbate seems like it’s so much worse than Real Sex™ so as to make it essentially worthless, then you’re probably doing it wrong and should look at ways to improve your technique.

I used a jogging metaphor a little earlier, and I want to revisit that.  I implied that jogging is only done to prepare for a marathon.  And that’s a clearly ridiculous idea.  Many people jog simply to jog.  Even if they do run marathons, the jogging is its own separate thing.  Just because they both involve running, that doesn’t make jogging inferior.  Another example would be chocolate bars.  A lot of people like chocolate bars.  People like different types of chocolate bars.  Some people enjoy chocolate bars twice a day, every day.  But the existence of chocolate cake doesn’t invalidate chocolate bars.  Chocolate bars are not substitute cake, they’re not some inferior product that can only be vaguely tolerated when chocolate cake is unavailable and never enjoyed on their own.

I do it as its own thing.  I don’t feel like I’m missing out or that it’s a half-measure.  It is full.  It is varied.

There’s more than just the penis.  Masturbation is almost always shown as exclusively involving the penis.  It’s one hand, furiously stroking away until complete.  The other hand just kinda hangs out, unused.  Maybe, once in a blue moon, someone will grab their testicles, but that’s about it.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  The penis is the only thing that can be involved, everything else is reserved for someone else’s use during Real Sex™?

My penis is absolutely the star of the show when I masturbate, but there’s usually an ensemble supporting cast.  My “spare” hand will wander around my chest and stomach and thighs and side and neck and hair, it’ll rub my nipples, run through my pubic hair, pull my testicles, push on the perineum, and squeeze around the base of the shaft.  Sometimes, even my prostate will get involved.

I do it alone.  Now, clearly, most people who masturbate will typically do it alone in a physical sense.  But the act usually involves someone else mentally.  A partner, a stranger, the person in the porn.  There’s a fantasy built up and acted upon.  Masturbation isn’t masturbation, it’s Real Sex™ with someone who isn’t there.  Sex toy descriptions will often go into great detail about how it’s really someone’s willing whatever-body-part disembodied to please you, it’s not a textured rubber tube.  It can never be done alone.

Is that really how people do it, or is that just the hyper-masculine, alpha-male bullshit front people put up?  That it always has to be done in the service of a conquest, even if that conquest is imaginary, otherwise it’s a waste of the Power of the Cock™?

I typically do it alone in a mental sense.  I don’t fantasize.  I don’t do it to someone or for someone or whatever.  My toys are just toys, they’re not replicas or simulations of people.  Even when looking at porn, there’s no sense of personal insertion into the scene.  Whenever I try to fantasize or imagine myself in the porn scene, it becomes distracting to the point of making things more difficult.  Even in VR porn, which is supposed to make you part of the scene, there’s a disconnect.

So, I don’t know.  Is this all just toxic masculinity bullshit that I don’t subscribe to that forces everyone else to put on a mask and not admit what they actually do and actually like?  Is this asexuality skewing how I experience things?  Is it a combination?  Does it really matter?  Probably not.

[Content Warning:  This post talks about masturbation and anatomy beyond the read more.]

At the start, I had a few puzzle pieces, but I didn’t have the box to know what the picture was supposed to look like.  This piece says “requires erection”.  This piece is marked “simulates intercourse”.  “This piece looks like it reads “feels good”.  It seemed like it would be worth seeing the finished picture, but how?  There was a lot of trial and error while trying to understand out how the pieces fit together.

I didn’t have access to any informational resources on the topic.  I didn’t have access to the Internet at that time.  (We didn’t even have a computer with a modem then, and people these days barely even know what a modem is.)  My parents didn’t leave books on sex in the bookshelf for my curiosity to explore.  I didn’t have anyone in my social circle who showed me what they discovered.  The pervy neighbor kid didn’t blab about his secret porno mag stash.  I never walked in on anyone.  Maybe some of that was related to being asexual.  I never thought “Wow, she’s hot” and had a conversation about that, which might have led to the question “Do you jack off thinking about her?”  I was on my own to get it figured out.

Adding to that, the problem was physical in one way.  When I was born, my parents, like many parents of penis-bearing children, decided to spring for the unnecessary and pointless genital mutilation option package, and had my foreskin removed without asking me.  The foreskin is a sleeve of skin that wraps around the head of the penis, and I’ve heard that many people discover masturbation when they pull it back and learn that the movement feels good.  I’ve also heard that it helps with the act by providing a way to stroke the penis without lube and that the head is more sensitive with one, not to mention how sensitive a flap of skin in that area would be.  (It’s important to note that circumcision gained widespread non-religious acceptance in this country specifically as a way to prevent masturbation.  All that “It’s cleaner!” nonsense came later.)  So, because I was circumcised, masturbation was harder to discover, harder to do, and probably doesn’t feel as good as it could have. 

So anyway, I had those puzzle pieces and those challenges, but I was determined to figure it out.  “Requires erection.”  That one was easy for me at the time.  Thinking about getting an erection usually gave me an erection, and sometimes they’d happen on their own.  So if I needed one, it wasn’t far away.  “Simulates intercourse.”  This is one thing the pervy neighbor kid did blab about, somewhat.  Intercourse is where a guy puts his penis into a woman’s vagina.  Okay.  Makes sense.  But what’s a “vagina”?  Well, the penis is sort of like a hot dog, so is a vagina sort of like a hot dog bun?  I tried folding things into the shape of a hot dog bun and putting my penis into them, but didn’t have much success.  Eventually (probably in sex-ed the next year) I learned that the vagina is more of a tube, and the penis actually goes inside it.  Okay, so let’s try tube things.  Toilet paper tube…  Nope.  Wrap a towel around it?  Nope.  I’d heard vaginas described as “tight” as being a good thing, so okay, wrap a towel around it tightly?  That ain’t working, either.  At some point, I learned that there was motion involved in intercourse, that it wasn’t just insert tab A and wait five minutes for it to feel good.

Just so you know, even if you introduce motion to a toilet paper tube or a tightly wrapped towel, it’s still not going to work all that well…  I don’t think I wanted to use my bare hand, out of fear of the low, but apparently non-zero risk of unwanted hair growth that everyone warned about.  But even if I had, the lack of a foreskin would have made that difficult.

I don’t remember how or why, but eventually I got the idea that the whole thing needed to be a bit more slippery.  Maybe it was the next year’s sex ed class that provided the necessary hint, I don’t remember.  Anyway, I needed something slippery, and soap lather while in the shower was slippery.  Plus, soap washed away germs and things, so whatever microbes or spores or whatever that were supposed to lead to hair growth would probably be washed away when using soap, so I decided to risk using my hand for it.

And even that didn’t work right away.  All the pieces of the puzzle I knew about were there and in place, but there were still holes in the picture.  Pieces I didn’t know the puzzle even had.  Everything had implied that it would be a simple rub and done, but nope.  Grip strength, stroke speed and depth, different parts with different sensations.  All that had to be figured out, too.  And when I eventually did have my first orgasm, it was a weird, nauseous, muscular pumping sensation, rather than something pleasurable.  It took more tries and experimentation before it started to feel good.

In all, it was probably two years between when I first heard of the word “masturbation” and decided I wanted to try that out and the time I was successful.

Two years.

And that was just for a basic, reliable, quickie orgasm.  No frills race to the finish.  Over the years that followed, there were small improvements or enhancements.  It was probably another ten years on before I discovered a few things that fundamentally changed how good it felt, and there were still things I learned after that.

So basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not instant, you shouldn’t expect to naturally just know what to do.  Don’t get discouraged, keep trying, and you might eventually figure out how it works.  Plus, you have the benefit of learning from others, something I didn’t have.  (Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a missing puzzle piece over on the left side that I still need to figure out…)

And I do wonder how much asexuality played a role in that.  If I weren’t ace, would I have figured it out sooner?  Would I have gotten better at it earlier?  Or would I still have been clueless and fumbling, just thinking about a girl while I was clueless and fumbling?