I am a cis woman. Due to my menstrual cycle, I go from sex-repulsed to neutral to sometimes positive. That’s when I’d indulge in sexual fantasies. Those sexual fantasies would lead to arousal if properly envisioned, allowing me to masturbate with a higher chance of orgasm.

In my daydreams, I fantasize (a better version of) myself having sexual intercourse with someone, real or not. It’s often a slow process, and it can take hours or even a couple days before I feel aroused enough to take a step further.

But once I start masturbating, all fantasies evaporate. I just cannot concentrate on the daydream and what I’m doing and feeling at the same time. It also doesn’t add up. In my fantasies, I do things to someone else and that someone do things to me (consensually), but there, I’m alone. Those are my own hands touching my own body, therefore it’s like breaking the fourth wall and my suspension of disbelief just dissipates.

I tried to hold onto my daydreams but it takes too much of my mind and makes the process of masturbating laborious. At times, for a fraction of second, I can imagine that those are my fantasy partner’s hands and it boosts my arousal, but it never last.

So there it is for me: sexual fantasies are to trigger my arousal before masturbating. And while I masturbate it’s just me, what I do and what I feel.


How?  What?

I’ve never figured out how fantasies work.  I mean, I understand the concept.  I’m going to imagine myself in a sexual situation, and I’m going to find that pleasing, and maybe I’ll even synchronize it with my masturbation to increase my pleasure level.  Except with me, it’s more like:  I’m going to imagine myself in a sexual situation and what is going on and this is too complicated goodbye.

I’ve tried picturing celebrities naked, but they usually turn out featureless.

I’ve tried mentally undressing people, but I usually can only get about as far as taking off the socks before I lose my concentration or have some quibble with the imaginary physics and I start over, only to have the person in the fantasy get frustrated with the number of takes I’m doing and storm out.

I’ve tried imagining having sex, but I tend to get hung up somewhere around asking for permission and foreplay, then it all falls apart.

I’ve tried thinking about someone else touching me, but where and why and I don’t really like to be touched so hands off imaginary person.

I’ve tried putting myself in the place of someone in porn, but I can’t actually imagine myself doing what any of the performers do because all that would be far too strenuous.

I’ve tried to put myself into a solo scene as a second participant, but it’s like okay, I’ll kiss that, caress that, suck on-no, wait-suck on that and caress this, right, I think that’s how it works, and okay, now I’ll put this in here and…  Um.  What now?  Wait, I think I’m using more hands than I have…

I’ve had some limited success by imagining that I’m showing someone what I’m doing, but I think that only works because most of that is doing what I’m already doing.

For me, fantasies require too much effort and concentration.  A fantasy is kinda useless when you have to expend so much energy to conjure one up that you end up losing your erection in the process…  I get the feeling that fantasies are not nearly this difficult for other people, even some other aces.