One thing I don’t see get talked about much (if ever) when it comes to masturbation is how inconsistent the process is.  It feels like this is something that may be particularly important for asexual people to hear, given the challenges many ace people have in these areas.


Masturbation is inconsistent.

Well, not just masturbation.  Any kind of genital stimulation, really.  But I’m going to focus on masturbation here.

What works today may not work tomorrow.

How aroused you get today may not be how aroused you get tomorrow.

How strong the sensations are today may not be how strong the sensations are tomorrow.

How quickly you orgasm today may not be how quickly you orgasm tomorrow.

And so on and so on.  Today is not like tomorrow.

It’s not like playing an instrument or baking cookies, where following the same steps each time will lead to the same results, and you’ll refine your technique to perfection with enough practice.

I’ve been practicing regularly for years and I still haven’t figured out how to hit the high notes every time…

That’s not to imply that it isn’t good most of the time.  I can reliably orgasm and it reliably feels pretty good.  But just “pretty good”.  Sometimes only “okay”.  I’ve had “amazing” on occasion, but I have no idea what goes into the recipe that makes it “amazing” vs “okay”, when I’ll do the same thing in the same way and end up with wildly different results.

And I do mean the same thing.  As you may know, masturbating with a penis generally involves enveloping the shaft of the penis and stroking up and down along its length repeatedly.  Well, that action is a fairly easy one to replicate with a reciprocal motor.  So, they’ve made sex toys that do this motion.  And those toys will repeat the same motion exactly, consistently every time.  Speed, pressure, stroke length, etc.  It’s just back and forth the same way until the battery dies.  This, of course, makes it ideal for controlled experimentation.  It removes all the variables of manual stimulation.  By providing controlled, consistent stimulation, you should get controlled, consistent results.


One day, I’ll use that thing and within a few minutes, I’ll have a transcendently powerful orgasm that sweeps my whole body away in ecstasy where it takes thirty seconds before I remember how to breathe.  Next day, it’ll be twenty minutes in and I’ll be practically begging for something to happen so I can be done with it all, because I’m not getting anywhere but I can’t stop since I’ve spent all this time so I’d better get something out of it or it’s all been a waste but it’s starting to get numb so please finish soon.

Same steps, wildly different results.

I can’t even reliably tell how strong an orgasm will be beforehand.  I’ve had so many times where a highly pleasurable and lengthy buildup has led to a lackluster finish, and so many times where a weak buildup will quickly escalate into a very strong ending.

I think the only reason I’m able to reliably hit “pretty good” levels of enjoyment is that I’ve built up a bunch of little micro-techniques that I can play on shuffle.  That way, if one doesn’t work, I can try a few other things.  Eventually I’ll stumble upon the combination for today’s lock.

Most of these micro-techniques are little things that can temporarily boost the pleasure a little bit, and masturbating becomes a game where the goal is to boost the pleasure enough to hit the goal line, but the pleasure level is constantly declining and the micro-techniques only work for a short while before they go inactive, so it’s a race against the clock.  (And don’t even get me started about the bonus chances after you’ve reached the goal which could double your winnings or cause you to lose it all…)

So anyway, where I’m going with all this is that masturbation is a complicated, inconsistent business.  Especially if you’re just starting out.  And double especially if you’re asexual and some of the tips and techniques that other people may utilize will flat out not work for you. No one can give you a foolproof set of instructions that will be guaranteed to work for your body.   But you might eventually stumble on something that works and be able to build from there.