I’ve had sex dreams. They’re not frequent, but I have had them. Years ago, they actually sort of included sex (or, at least, a weird approximation of sex-ish actions, that sometimes involved detachable penises and taco-style vaginas). These days, in the rare event that I have one, they tend to fall into one of three buckets:
- Masturbation: In the masturbation dreams, there are typically two common elements: I’m in a bathroom (usually an architecturally odd bathroom), and I get interrupted (usually by someone who doesn’t notice what I’m doing). I have no idea where this is coming from, as I rarely masturbate in bathrooms (let alone architecturally odd ones), and I’ve never had anyone interrupt me. I usually wake up before I finish.
- Auto-fellatio: These are particularly strange, as I do not have the flexibility required to pull this off, nor have I ever been on the giving or receiving end of this action, so I have no idea where my brain’s dream center is pulling this from. I usually wake up from these dreams shortly after it starts happening, because something manages to see through the dream logic and say “You can’t actually do that” and “Why is it so sandpapery”. … Is it actually sandpapery? I really don’t know. It doesn’t seem like it should be sandpapery.
- “Are you trying to seduce me?”: These are perhaps the most asexual of my sex dreams. The basic plot line is this: A scantily clad woman approaches and starts being extremely forward. Sometimes the clothes she is wearing start to be removed (or just disappear), and she make it very clear that she would like to have sex with me. And I’m just like “Uh… No thank you. I don’t really know you, and I have something else I need to be doing. I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested. No really, I’m trying to get somewhere and I’m not interested.” It’s like there’s a part of my brain that didn’t get the memo. It’s still churning out A+ sex fantasies, only to have me nope out. (I should note that it’s almost always a woman. I think it was a man once, but the plot of the dream proceeded mainly the same way.)