Tag: penis

Discovering Sex Toys (AMAB, Cis, Man)

Posted on by Atomic Goat

[Content warning:  Discussion of sex toys and their use, particularly penis toys.]

Yes, I have sex toys.  I have a number of them.  I have various shapes, sizes, and intended uses.  I have some that I use often, some that I use occasionally, toys that I come back to every couple of months because “Maybe this time it’ll work better”, and some that I tried only once because I didn’t like them.

Probably the first toy I ever experimented with was a cardboard tube.  It was a hole, it was about the right size, so maybe…?  Spoiler alert, it didn’t work.  The first experiment that was successful was when I put a small amount of cooking oil into a small plastic Ziploc bag, then put that in between some pillows on my bed, so I could thrust into it.  That worked.  Over the next couple of years, I upgraded and tuned that design.  (Most notably, by cutting off the zip-locking part (because ouch), by placing it inside a folded pair of socks for some added pressure.  I also switched to hand lotion, baby oil, or KY Jelly instead of cooking oil, because cooking oil just never comes off.)

Soon after I moved out and got my own place, I had the freedom and the privacy to start looking at buying an actual toy.  But were there any?  I knew about vibrators, but was there anything for my equipment?  I didn’t know what was out there, I didn’t have much money, and I didn’t know where to start.  I was completely nervous about my first purchase.  I think I bought three things:  A vibrator (because maybe that might work?), an “oral sex simulator” contraption with a tube and a pump (because oral sex is supposed to be good?), and some pink jelly sleeve thing that had an offensive name that I can’t recall that vaguely resembled a vulva if the designer had never seen one but only heard the legends (because maybe it’ll feel like The Real Thing™?).

All three of those turned out to be a waste of money.  The vibrator was, well, a vibrator.  I’m sure it might have been a decent buy for someone with a vagina or a clitoris, but having neither, it wasn’t much use for me.  The “oral sex” thing was just bizarre.  I never did figure out how to use it.  The pump bulb was made of hard rubber, so it was difficult to squeeze, and I think all it did was give me hand cramps.  The sleeve thing was too tight, too short, and way too smooth.  I’d go in one end, come right out the other, and feel nothing in between.

Still, I was curious.  I’d bought some toys and didn’t have the FBI knocking down my door, looking for contraband, and my credit card company didn’t cancel my account for being a pervert, so all in all, things went fairly well.  So, I bought a few more things.  A couple of stroker sleeves that were far better than the first, but still not that great.  A “realistic vagina” that turned out to be a vulva façade with a two and a half inch wide, six inch long floppy tunnel lined with centimeter long tickly bits behind it.  I was starting to think that there weren’t any good toys for people like me.

But then, I found it.  It was far more expensive than all of the other toys I’d bought.  It was big.  It has great reviews, but then so did that weird jelly tube thing.  Okay, I’m going for it.  I’m probably going to regret it, like all the rest, but I might as well try.

It was a pink Fleshlight, with the generic-looking entry and a smooth canal.  It came in a big grey plastic case.  There was a weird cap on the end.  It was kind of complicated.

And it worked.

It was soft and stretchy and didn’t melt and I could fit inside and it wasn’t made of hard plastic and I could actually feel it.  And I liked how it felt.  I quickly went and bought a set of additional sleeves with different textures, and they were even better.

Finally, a toy that didn’t suck!

(Well, technically, that weird cap on the end adjusted airflow, so if you set it just right, it did kinda suck, but in a good way.)

As a sign of the quality of the Fleshlight, I still have that original set that I bought, and they’re still in usable condition.  Even the sleeves I have that have torn, only tore a little bit, then stopped.  (One was a poorly designed orifice that couldn’t stretch right, so I think it tore for everyone, and the other was the “ultra tight” model, which was too small for me.)  If you take good care of a Fleshlight, it will last a long time and be well worth the investment.

(By the way, my favorite is the speed bump, with the STU and Wonder Wave close behind.  I think those textures are all available in a generic, non-anatomical model, if you’d rather not buy a fake body part looking thing.)

Negative Experiences With Sex Toys (AMAB, Cis, Man)

Posted on by Atomic Goat

[Content warning:  Discussion of sex toys, particularly those for a penis.  Also a mention of objectionable marketing practices.]

I have a penis.  The vast majority of toys out there for a penis are utter garbage.

  • I’ve had toys that provide no stimulation at all.
  • I’ve had toys made out of material that’s so stiff that it felt like plastic being scraped along my penis.
  • I’ve had toys that sort of melted and deformed.
  • I’ve had toys that have torn apart.
  • I’ve had toys that have smelled so bad out of the plastic wrap that I tossed them before even using them.
  • I’ve had “high end” toys that have stopped working during the first use.
  • I’ve had a toy that has a clear design flaw that will lead to serious injury if used enough.

Many toys for people with a penis are sold in ways that range from mildly suggestive, to pornographic, to raunchy, to downright misogynistic and disgusting.  (And don’t even get me started on how deceptive the photos can be about toy size…)  This is an especially uncomfortable place for an asexual person to explore.  It’s getting easier to find toys that don’t fall into that category, but to get there, you still have to wade through a pile of junk like the “Bangin’ Betty Stroker” or the anatomically bizarre pair of breasts with a vagina attached.

Seriously, those are things that exist, and…  Eugh.  I can’t imagine that sort of thing being remotely appealing even if I weren’t asexual.  I mean, I can see how some people might find an object that resembles a piece of anatomy somewhat appealing and arousing, if they’re a fan of that piece of anatomy.  So sure, sell the disembodied dicks and rubber vulvas and breasts in a box.   But it seems like pure vulgarity would have be off-putting even to someone who isn’t ace.
(Incidentally, in my experience, the further a toy is in the realm of the disgusting or offensive, the worse it tends to be as an actual toy.  They can’t sell it on its merits, so they sell it on shock value and sleaze instead.)

Another problem I’ve had with toys is that many of them are too small for me.  They either don’t stretch enough, or are housed in a rigid case and can’t expand, or they’re not long enough.  For the most part, these seem like decent quality toys, I just don’t fit.  Vaginal toys (And, to some extent, anal toys) tend to be very clear about their dimensions, and many are available in different sizes.  But many penis toys assume that everyone has a penis that is exactly 5.17 inches long and 1.5 inches across.  If you’re bigger, too bad, it won’t stretch much (so it’ll be uncomfortable or rip open, if you can get inside at all) and you’ll pop out the other end, and if you’re smaller, too bad, you won’t be able to feel anything.  They need to start selling toys for different sized penises (Which, I suppose, would also involve men feeling safe to admit that they don’t actually have a two-foot-long mega boner in their pants, otherwise those different sizes will have to be “Huge”, “XXL”, and “Jumbo”).

The biggest problem with the sex toy industry is the sex toy industry.  I believe they can gain wider acceptance if they drop the sleaze and start making better products overall.  And they’re moving that way, especially when it comes to vibrators, but penis toys still have a long way to go and a lot of image rehabilitation ahead before you’ll find them on the shelves at Walmart.

Vibrators

[Content warning:  Discussion of sex toys, as well as photos of related items.]

This page contains a general description of what a vibrator is and how it is used.  The post contains images of vibrators, but not in a sexual setting.  One of the toys is somewhat phallic shaped, but abstract and not entirely “anatomically accurate”.

As the name implies, vibrators vibrate.  Vibrations are frequently found to be significantly more stimulating than hands alone.  Some people who are unable to reach an orgasm through manual stimulation find that they can reach orgasm through the use of a vibrator.  Some people find direct contact with a vibrator to be too strong and uncomfortable.  Using a vibrator through clothes or through layers of towels can tone down the strength and make the sensation more bearable.

Vibrators are frequently battery powered, but some models plug into the wall.  They come in a variety of shapes and strengths, from tiny watch battery powered buzzers, to eggs that require a pair of AA batteries, past tennis balls on a stick that plug into the wall, all the way up to industrial strength saddles that need their own power transformer.  Some are waterproof.  Most have adjustable speeds or strengths.

Vibrators are often used on the clitoris, but can also be used in the vagina, on the penis, or in the anus.  Different shapes are better suited for different parts of the anatomy.  Wand vibes or bullet vibes tend to be used on the clitoris, cylindrical or phallic vibrators tend to be used vaginally or anally (but make sure that something has a flared base before using it anally, unless you want to explain to the ER staff what you were doing and why backside is buzzing), and cock rings with vibrators attached are designed for use on the penis.  Some vibrators can also be used for (and are marketed for) neck or back massages.

Here are a few images of just a sample of the wide variety of vibrators that are out there:

This image is of a wand-style vibrator. The toy does not have an anatomical design and no nudity is shown.

This is the Hitachi Magic Wand.  It is quite powerful (and noisy).  It’s mainly used on the clitoris or vulva, but it can also be used on the penis.  A number of attachments are sold to adapt the wand for use as an insertable toy for vaginal or anal use or as a penetrable toy for use with a penis.  This toy plugs into the wall.

This image is of a rabbit vibrator. The toy has a slightly abstract design that resembled a penis, including the glans. No actual nudity is shown.

This is a rabbit.  The phallic portion is meant to be inserted into the vagina, while the “rabbit” bit is meant to be pressed against the clitoris. This type of toy often has two vibrator motors: One in the shaft and one in the body of the rabbit.  Some battery operated toys like this one are waterproof and can be used in the bath or shower.

This image is of a bullet vibrator. The toy does not have an anatomical design and no nudity is shown.

This is a basic bullet vibrator.  These tend to be extremely flexible in their use.  They can be held directly against the clitoris or the penis (or the scrotum or the nipples, etc.).  Some toys have a place to insert these types of vibes.  In some cases (although not necessarily with the one pictured here), they can be inserted into the vagina or the anus.  (When used anally, be sure that the device has a strong cord attached, it might not be coming back out.)  Many of these toys have adjustable intensity.

This image is of a basic plastic vibrator. The toy does not have an anatomical design and no nudity is shown.

This is a basic vibrator.  This kind is meant for vaginal or clitoral use, but it can also be used on a penis.  This one should not be used anally, because it does not have a wider base, so there is nothing to stop it from being pulled all the way in, where it might get stuck.

On a more technical note, since this toy is semi-transparent, you can see how most vibrators work.  There is a small electric motor with a small offset weight.  When the motor is turned on, the weight causes the entire device to wobble back and forth.  When the motor spins fast enough, this wobble turns into a buzzing vibration.

Sleeves

[Content warning:  Discussion of sex toys, as well as photos of related items.]

Behind the read more link is a general description of what a sleeve is and how it is used.  The post contains images of sleeves, but not in a sexual setting.  Several of the toys depicted are shaped like vulvas.

Sleeves are soft, flexible, generally stretchy tubes or cups, often with a textured interior.  They range from only about an inch or two long to nine or ten inches long.  Some sleeves are open on both ends, while others have one end that is closed off, like a cup.  Some sleeves have plain entry holes, while others are designed to resemble various parts of the anatomy.  At its most broad definition, even a condom could potentially be considered a sleeve, although they are generally not called one.

Certain types of sleeves are also sometimes called “strokers” or “onaholes”.

Sleeves are primarily designed for use with a penis.  The shorter sleeves or cups are used to stimulate the head of the penis, while longer sleeves can be used for full penetration with the entire shaft.  If the sleeve is open on both ends and is short enough, then the head of the penis can come out the other end when used. There are some sleeves that are specifically designed and marketed for use by transmen or people with a large clitoris.

Most sleeves can be used by stroking, that is, by inserting the penis and moving them up and down along the shaft.  Other sleeves, particularly the shorter close ended sleeves and cups, cannot fit the entire penis.  These sleeves are used to stimulate the head of the penis and end of the shaft, either by short strokes, or by a twisting motion.  Many sleeves are soft-sided, so additional pressure can be applied by squeezing with the hand.

Many sleeves are meant to be used in a handheld manner, but it is possible to set them up in such a way to permit hands-free use.  In this manner, hip thrusting is used, moving the penis in and out of the toy, rather than moving the toy up and down along the penis.  Some toys even have suction cup mounts, so they can be attached to any hard, smooth surface.

Sleeves are not typically meant to be used on the clitoris, or used in the vagina or the anus.  Some sleeves, known as “enhancers” are marketed less for masturbation and more for partnered sex.  These types of sleeves are designed to be placed on a penis or a dildo to give it a texture and/or a larger size.  Other sleeves can potentially be rubbed against the clitoris.  In particular, some of the smaller cups can be turned inside out, and the interior texture may be used.

Sleeves must be used with lubrication.  Attempting to use a sleeve without adequate lube is a one-way trip to a friction burn on something you don’t want to have a friction burn.  Water based lubes are your best bet, as oil or silicone lubes may damage the toy.  (Hand lotion is an oil-based, so don’t use that!)

One of the benefits of a sleeve is that it tends to contain the fluids involved.  The lubrication goes on the inside, keeping your hands dry and clean, and if the sleeve is long enough or is closed on the end, it will also contain the ejaculate, if there is any.

It is important to keep sleeves clean and dry.  Failure to properly clean and dry them can, at best, lead to a bad smell, and at worst, lead to an infection.  Cleaning them can be tricky, particularly if a toy is closed on one end.  If a toy is open on both ends, run water through it, then sort of “hang it out” to dry.  If a toy is reversible, you can turn it inside out to wash it off and dry it, both inside and outside.  If a toy is closed-ended and not reversible, it can be difficult to dry.  Methods include carefully stuffing a paper towel or cloth into the opening to sticking a small air tube from a fish tank air compressor inside and letting it blow the moisture out.  (If you want my opinion, close ended, non-reversible toys should be avoided, due to this cleaning hassle.)  Do not use soap when cleaning a toy, as soap can damage it.

PHOTOS BEYOND THIS POINT

Here are a few images of just a sample of the wide variety of sleeves that are out there:

This image is a photograph of a number of sleeve masturbation toys. Several are modeled after anatomy, including one resembling a vulva. No actual nudity is shown.

This is a collection of various types of sleeves.  They come in various colors and sizes, with different external features and internal textures.  Some are non-descript, while others are designed to resemble various body parts.  Vulvas, butts, and mouths are common shapes, but there are also more, um, “creative” designs, like feet, hands, or breasts.  The external design of the sleeve often has very little impact on its effectiveness.  The interior texture is far more important.

The blue sleeve on the left and the white sleeve on the right will be featured in another photo later on.

This image is a photograph of a Fleshlight sleeve masturbation toys. The toy has an opening resembling a vulva with visible labia. No actual nudity is shown.

This is a Fleshlight.  It is a soft, stretchy sleeve that fits within a hard case.  The hard case restricts the sleeve’s expansion, creating some interior pressure as the penis is inserted.  The case also has cap at the end, which can be tightened or loosened to adjust suction.  Fleshlights have a variety of interior textures and exterior designs (including a plain, non-anatomical model).  The sleeve is long enough so that most penises can be fully inserted, which allows the Fleshlight to stimulate the entire length at the same time.  The sleeve is removable and open ended for easy cleaning.

Important note:  Although some of the marketing for this toy claims that it’s “discreet” because it “looks like a flashlight”, it does not look like a flashlight in any way and is not discreet.  It is also rather large, which might make it difficult to store or hide if discretion is important.

This image is a photograph of a Tenga brand sleeve and a similar competitor. The toys both have plain, non-anatomical openings. No nudity is shown.

This image is a photograph of a Tenga brand sleeve and a similar competitor. The toys both have plain, non-anatomical openings. No nudity is shown.

These are close-ended reversible sleeves.  The blue one is a CalExotics Apollo, and the white one is a Tenga 3D Pile.  This type of sleeve can be turned inside out for cleaning.  The top picture shows the textured interior, while the bottom picture shows the toys inverted, so the texture is on the inside.  This is how they would be used.

This image is a photograph of several “egg” style sleeves. The toys both have plain, non-anatomical openings. No nudity is shown.

Here are some smaller, close-ended toys, primarily for penis head stimulation.   The one in the lower right is inside out to show the texture.  These kinds of toys often come in small plastic storage cases.  They are smaller and thinner than many other sleeves, which typically means that they are both cheaper and more fragile than some other types of sleeves.

Dildos

[Content warning:  Discussion of sex toys, as well as photos of related items.]

This post contains images of dildos, but not in a sexual setting.  One of the toys depicted is a realistic replica of a penis.  

Dildos are a type of vaguely cylindrical rod shaped toys, used for masturbation.  Sometimes they are a plain cylinder with a round end, sometimes they are penis shaped (ranging from vaguely penis-inspired, through realistic, all the way to exaggerated and mutated), and sometimes they are abstract and curvy.  Many of them vibrate, and some incorporate moving bits.  Certain dildos have a curve that is designed for G-Spot or prostate stimulation.

(Note:  Dongs are related to dildos.  There’s a slight technical difference, but in common usage, the words are largely synonymous, so I’m just going to use “dildo” here, even though some of what I’m talking about would more correctly be called a “dong”.  Additionally, some dildos that vibrate are simply called “vibrators”.)

Dildos are frequently used for vaginal penetration.  Sometimes they are used in a thrusting motion, while other times they are inserted and left in place.  Ones that vibrate can be held against the clitoris for stimulation without penetration.  Dildos are generally not that useful for a penis (although vibrations can be mildly stimulating).

Some dildos can also be used for anal penetration, but only if they have a wide or flared base.  The wider base will prevent them from being pulled inside where they can get stuck, which prevents having to explain to the ER staff why you’re visiting them.  An additional word of caution:  Do not switch a toy between anal and vaginal use without a thorough cleaning, unless you like infections.  You might want to use a condom on the toy when using it anally, as that will help simplify the cleanup process.

Dildos come in many sizes.  If you are inexperienced with penetration and are unsure about what various sizes are actually like, start small.  And take note of the physical dimensions of the toy, because many times a “small” toy is still six inches long and two inches across, which would be above average for a penis and uncomfortably large even for many non-aces.  If you’re looking for an anal toy, go even smaller.  Most dildos are waaaay too big for a first anal experience.

One of the more common reasons I hear for asexual people being reluctant to try a sex toy is “I’m not a fan of penises, even fake ones”.  That’s a perfectly valid reason.  However, you should be aware that there are many dildos that do not resemble a penis at all.  There are abstract curves, plain rods, and things with twisty bits.  Alternatively, there are a number of companies that sell fantasy creature dildos, which can be vaguely penis shaped (often including a glans-like shape), just not human penis shaped.  You are not missing out on any sensations by picking an abstract toy.  In fact, some non-realistic toys have special shapes (like g-spot or prostate curves) that are designed to enhance sensations.

If a dildo does not have any electrical components (No vibrators, no waggly bits, no lights, no batteries or electrical cords), then it’s probably safe to use in the bath or shower.  If a dildo does have electrical components, it may not be waterproof.  If a toy is waterproof, it will say on the packaging.  Waterproof toys are also typically completely sealed.  The speed adjustment tends to be a series of rubberized buttons, instead of a dial, and the battery compartment tends to have a rubber sealant ring around it.  Some dildos have a suction cup, so they can be stuck on the tub or tile for hands free use.

Lube might come in handy when using a dildo.  Sometimes when aroused, a vagina might produce enough natural lubrication, but that’s not always the case.  A few drops of lube might make penetration smoother.  When using a dildo on a clitoris, some lube might help prevent irritation.  And when using a dildo anally, lube is practically required, because there’s no natural lubrication back there to help out.  Water based lube is probably your best bet, as silicone lubes can damage some toys, and oil based lubes can both damage toys and lead to infections and other problems when used internally.

PHOTOS BEYOND THIS POINT

Here are a few images of just a sample of the wide variety of dildos that are out there (The one that looks like a penis is at the bottom, so if you don’t want to see it, scroll slowly and stop reading after the paragraph about the rabbit.  You will not miss any other content.)

This image contains a photograph of a plain vibrator. No nudity and no anatomical features are shown.

This is a basic, no-frills vibrating dildo.  This type is meant to be used to stimulate the clitoris and for vaginal penetration.  This type should not be used anally, because it does not have a flared base.  It’s hard plastic, so it’s easier to clean, but not soft at all.

This image is a photograph of a somewhat abstract penis-shaped vibrator. In particular, it has a glans-shaped head on one end. No actual nudity is shown.

This is a “rabbit”.  The shaft is meant to be inserted into the vagina, while the appendage with the rabbit ears is designed to be pressed against the clitoris.  This model has spinning beads for internal stimulation and a bullet vibe in the rabbit part for external stimulation.  The buttons on the handle control the speed of the various features.  This one is made of a softer material, so it has some give to it.

[The realistic penis toy is beyond this point. There is no other content below this line.]

This image is a photograph of a realistic-looking penis shaped vibrator, including testicles. No actual nudity is shown.

This is a “realistic” penis shaped dildo.  (Although typically, real penises are not capable of testicle pushups like this one is doing.)  This model does not have a vibrator inside it.  This toy can be used vaginally or anally, as the testicles provide a wide base that will prevent it from being pulled completely inside.  The suction cup allows it to be stuck to a hard, smooth surface, like a bath tub or tile, so it can be used hands-free.

Overview: How to Masturbate

(Content Warning:  Genitals and explicit discussion of masturbation beyond this point, but no images or illustrations.)

One thing I’ve seen many asexual people say about masturbation is that they don’t know where to begin.  It might not be something they discover, they may have avoided any discussion about it, and websites that talk about it are typically not very ace-friendly.  If you’re curious, but don’t know where to start, here’s a short ace-safe introduction to a common technique.

And remember, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.  Not everyone wants to masturbate, not everyone likes to, so if it’s not your thing, it doesn’t have to be your thing.

Okay, let’s begin:

First, find a safe and comfortable space.  Lockable doors, free of interruptions, etc.  Comfy chair or a bed might work, but many people will use the bathroom or shower.  (The shower has the added benefit of making it easy to wash your hands or clean up when you’re done.)

Second, remove clothing to provide access to your genitals.  This step is actually optional.  It can make it easier to proceed if you’re not wearing anything down there, but it’s not required.  Some people will masturbate through their clothes for various reasons.  It’s not uncommon.

Third, start touching your genitals or the area around them.  Often, people will focus primarily on the clitoris or penis.  (A clitoris is a sort of pencil eraser thingy (of varying size) hiding near the front of the folds of skin down there, while a penis is a usually floppy sort of tube thingy (of varying size) that’s hanging out down there.)  However, other places like the thighs, scrotum, lower stomach, or labia might also respond to touch.  Even the nipples might work.

If it hasn’t already happened, you may start to notice physical arousal in the genitals.  It’s perhaps most noticeable in a penis, which goes from a floppy sort of tube thingy to a larger, somewhat more rigid sort of tube thingy.  The clitoris also may grow larger (and peek out of the folds of skin it’s hiding in) when aroused, and there may be a noticeable sensation like warmth or fullness or even wetness in the vagina.

If you’re not sensing some form of arousal, try different types of stimulation.  Use more pressure or less, go faster or slower, push, pull, pinch, try a different area, etc.  Basically, change it up somewhat.

It is very important to note that there isn’t an instant-on pleasure switch downstairs.  At first, it may not feel much different down there than touching your arm.  Sensations can gradually and subtly change, and may range from numbness to awareness, to over-sensitivity, to exquisite pleasure, to discomfort, to heightened sensitivity, and anything in between or on the sides.  There’s no One True Right Way™, and it’ll feel different and proceed differently for everyone.  Masturbation isn’t something that’s instinctive, it’s something that has to be learned and experimented with, and this can be particularly difficult for aces, because we may not experience the same sorts of things that might be useful to non-aces for figuring things out.  You may not come across a formula that works the first couple (dozen) times you try.  And that’s perfectly okay and quite common.  Even many non-ace people have to figure out what to do.

Anyway, assuming you’re sufficiently aroused (and what that means is up to you), you’ll likely want to start focusing more directly around the genitals.  Some of the most common masturbation techniques are fairly repetitive hand motions.   If you have a penis, try wrapping your hand around it (like you’re holding a handle) and sliding your hand up and down.  (Some sort of lubricant might be helpful here, particularly if you’ve been circumcised.  Something like hand lotion will usually work well.)  If you have a clitoris, try placing a few fingers on it and rubbing in small circles.  Vary the speed, pressure, the amount of movement, etc., until you find something that works.  Those aren’t the only ways to do it, so if they don’t work, experiment with something else.

Once you’ve begun those repetitive motions, continue until done.  “Done” can mean a number of things.  Many people proceed until they have an orgasm, but some people stop when they get bored or tired or sore, some people keep going until they have multiple orgasms, and some people stop when they just don’t feel like doing it anymore.  Masturbation is yours and yours alone, so it’s up to you to decide when you’re done.