- Do it online. They’ll be shipped in a plain brown box, and you don’t have to deal with a human at the checkout stand. Dedicated sex toy shops will have the widest selections, but other more general shops will have them, although they might be hidden under a “Sexual Wellness” type section that isn’t searched by default. Amazon has a huge selection, but be wary: It’s rife with counterfeits and sometimes has used toys or returns. If you’re interested in a specific toy or brand, many brands have a dedicated store, which is often your best bet.
- Prepare to see things you might not want to see. Sex toy shops, even the “sexual wellness” section of a regular website, are not the most asexual friendly places around. You’ll almost certainly see someone in lingerie, you may even see topless women. Feminist toy stores (like Babeland) tend to have less of this. (Although, unfortunately, they tend to have a more limited selection and higher price on toys for a penis, if that’s what you’re after.) But even if there isn’t a photo of an actual person, you’ll likely have to wade through a river of anatomical replica toys to find what you want.
- Stay clear of junk. If it sounds like junk, it probably is. Avoid offensive names, avoid misogynistic packaging, and, for the most part, avoid a toy that has a trademarked name for the material it’s made of. Don’t buy “CyberSkin”, “UR3″, or jelly, as that’s code for “smelly and toxic”. If it promises the realistic sensation of some act or another, but it doesn’t show you the texture inside, it’s probably no good.
- The photo is probably lying to you. A lot of toys are smaller than their picture makes them out to be. Price is not an indicator of size.
- Price is not an indicator of quality. I’ve paid six bucks for a sleeve that works well and held up for a number of uses, and I’ve paid $150 for a fancy vibrating thingy that didn’t work right straight out of the box.
- Read reviews. But not just any reviews. Reviews for penis toys are full of five star reviews that say “I came soooo haaaaard!!!!1” Look for longer, more technical reviews. In particular, pay attention to people who say something has a smell or rips easily, and stay away from those toys. And be wary about dedicated sex toy review sites. Some of them are set up directly by the manufacturer and others are paid reviewers.
- It’s okay to have a sex toy, even if you’re asexual! Using a toy doesn’t cancel out your asexuality. Even if that toy is an exact anatomical replica.