[Content Warning: This page lists and describes a number of explicit sexual activities. Some of these activities are listed using their common, crude names. There are no images on this page.]
A “Want/Will/Won’t” list is a tool to help people determine and communicate their interest in various activities and set boundaries with partners. For each item, you can select whether you want to do it, are willing to do it, won’t do it at all, or are curious about, and feel free to skip any item.
- “Want” means you actively want this. These are favorite things you generally enjoy doing.
- “Will” means that you are willing to do it, but it’s not necessarily your favorite thing. These are things you may be willing to do if your partner wants to do them.
- “Won’t” means that you do not want to do it. These are things you dislike. Anything on a “Won’t” list is off the table.
- “Curious” means something you are curious about or are interested in trying out. You can use this as a conversation starter to learn more about the activity, or to indicate that you’d like to give it a shot. Putting something in “Curious” doesn’t indicate that you’re committing to do it, just that it’s something under consideration.
The typical use of these lists is for you and a partner to fill them out (separately and honestly), then compare your lists when done. Anything that shows up on all the “Want” lists is an activity you may want to do frequently. Things in the “Will” column can be done occasionally. Anything that shows up on a “Won’t” list is off the table, end of discussion. Items marked as “Curious” should be discussed more and potentially explored further.
This format is not a substitute for getting consent. Just because someone puts something in the “Want” column, that does not mean that they want it right now. This format is also limited. There’s no way to note the difference between “Yes yes yes please let’s do that” and “Yeah, I guess I like that”, or “I’m just not a fan, so nah”, vs. “I absolutely hate that with the fire of a thousand suns and if you try that on me I will leave you so fast they’ll hear the sonic boom three states away.” There’s also no way to fully express all the variations of some of these activities. For instance, “kissing” is a wide field, and someone may want a peck on the cheek, but absolutely despise being kissed on the neck. So treat this as the start of the conversation, not the end of it.
These lists are meant to express your own honest interests. Don’t feel compelled to balance out the columns or mark something you don’t like as a “Will” item, just because you think you’re supposed to do it. This only works if you say how you truly feel. If that means everything ends up in the “Won’t” column, that’s fine. If 90% of everything’s a “Will”, that’s fine. Columns can be completely empty, if that’s how you feel.
And finally, your feelings are allowed to change. Things can move around. Wills can move to Wants, Wants can shuffle to Won’ts, Won’ts can become Curiouses. Update your personal lists as your feelings change.
Privacy note: The items you select are never transmitted to the server. If you save your lists, that is stored locally on your browser and is never sent elsewhere.
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